Darkest hours
by dustyrose03
Summary: It has been 2 years since Bella has left Forks, with reasons unknown to anybody, for Bella it has been 2 years of agony, shame and regret, But when her mother forces her back to Forks, Bella has to face up to everything and everyone she left behind....AH
1. Face it up

**Darkest Hours**

**Full Summary: It has been two years since Bella swan has left Forks, with reasons unknown to nobody, but for Bella it has been two years of agony for her, but when her mother forces her back to Forks, Bella has to face up to everything and everyone she left behind. Can she do it with her head held high? ExB AH**

**Warning: In later chapters there will be mild rape scenes. They are not at all graphic and I do not intend to offend people whatsoever by them. It is all fictions and thus not real. Also there will be drug abuse in later chapters. Again, I do not wish to offend anybody by them. They are aall fiction and not real.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or anything to do with Twilight Saga at all. All of those rights go to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

Bella's POV:

I officially _hate_ my mother.

She was forcing me to come back to Forks, the one place I never wanted to return to if I could help it.

So here I was, seventeen years old and standing in the airport on my own, waiting for the flight to my own personal hell.

You may ask why I was coming back. You may ask why I was too scared to go back. I have reasons for both...

But for now I will only answer the first question. At Phoenix High, I know this sounds vain to say. But I was popular. I went to all the parties, I drunk with my friends. I did everything you were expected to do. But for reasons unknown to anybody else I always declined when a boy asked me out. All of this was like a second nature to me, when I first came to Phoenix I immediately fit in with all the party people. I guess I just had enough practise of doing it at Forks, but I also needed something to keep me away from the pain.

My Mum and Dad, don't know the reasons I wanted to go and live with mum, as far as my dad was concerned I didn't get on well with my mother. But I would have rather lived with her than stay in Forks.

I would miss my friends here, they made me happy, though I was sure they could only be fake because of my popularity, I still appreciated them anyway. They made me feel for once that I was loved. I smiled as I remembered our farewell sleepover at my house. All my gang were there, Chloe, Sophie, Ellie, Abi and of course me.

They had all made a big deal out of it and bought me presents and bought loads of food, as we all rarely pigged out, only on special occasions. Even though, to me this wasn't a special occasion.

Anyway, I was presented with my leaving presents; from Chloe I had gotten a ton of make-up.

"You'll need it where you're going," she said with a small wink.

Sophie had gotten me a Gucci coat.

"It is for the bad weather," she explained.

Ellie and Abi had gotten me a large poster of us all laughing at our last sleepover. And altogether they had gotten me a photo album of our memories. Most of them consisted of party pictures of us all being drunk and making a fool of ourselves, but there were some genuine memories in there. Shopping trips, holidays, sleepovers ect...

I felt a pang of sadness as I thought of the photo album in my carry on. I didn't want to leave this life to go back to one of misery. It just wasn't right.

I just realised I had gotten off track, on why my mum wanted me to go back to Forks. It seemed embarrassing to admit this, but I had recently started taking drugs. My friend Liam had been taking them for a few years and he always seemed so happy, so I thought maybe if I took them, they would erase the memories.

But it worked the opposite. The drugs are taking me to my memories.

Anyway one night me and Liam had been hanging out in my living room, my mum was supposed to be away for a few days, but she had come home a day early. Anyway long story cut short, my mum walked in to find me and Liam high, she phoned my dad and now I was on my way back to Forks.

Joy.

"Flight 147 is now boarding," a voice echoed through the overhead speakers. I sighed and got up to board the plane.

Well, I might as well get this over with.

----~~~~----

After the 4 hour flight, the plane touched soil in Seattle, from here now I had to switch planes to get down to Port Angeles.

I knew this routine well enough by now, as I always visited my mother in phoenix when I was younger most holidays. I could probably do it blind folded by now.

When I got off the plane Charlie regarded me for a moment then took my bags and strode towards his police car without talking to me or even saying a greeting.

"A hello would be nice," I grumbled to myself as I reluctantly followed him to the car. When I got in I buckled up my seat belt and we drove out of Port Angeles, into the world of alien green. Once I used to love the green, but after living in the sun for two years you begin to grow to hate the wet and the cold.

We sat in an awkward silence for fifteen minutes until Charlie decided to speak up.

"You're starting high school tomorrow," he said grudgingly. I sighed; I knew why he was acting like this. He was the chief police officer to the tiny town of Forks, so of course he knew all of the dangers of drugs, and always told me how I should never take drugs, not even as a last resort.

But of course I had, and only know I realise that I had been stupid to do so. What if I had overdosed? I wanted to tell my Dad that I was sorry and stupid, but somehow I couldn't voice my opinions out loud.

As we entered Forks, I looked around at the surroundings, wondering if I would spot any familiar faces, but Forks was such a small town that after living there most of your life, you gradually get to know everyone.

But thankfully no one looked our way as the police car passed the shops and small cafés. Anyway I would get a chance to see everybody tomorrow. My stomach pummelled to the floor, just thinking about it.

My dad pulled up onto the driveway where my small silver Audi sat. It was supposed to be a birthday present for when I got my license here, but of course I left Forks before I passed my test, so I ended up taking it in Arizona. Unfortunately I had to leave my old big red truck behind. I loved it to bits, it suited me well, and when people at school made remarks about the oldness of it, I always replied with a bitchy comeback.

I had to admit, I have been a bitch in the past. But I wanted to change all of that.

But that was only if people would let me.

Charlie left me alone to pack, I put up the poster of me and my friends on the wall across from my bed, so it would be the thing I woke up too, to make me happy. I place photos around my room and put the photo album in the drawer next to my bed.

I hung up all my clothes in my wardrobe and then sat on my bed and watched the rain pour down my window outside.

Tears began to form and soon they were falling in sync with the rain, but I wiped them away and told myself to be strong for tomorrow.

When the sky began to darken into night, I went downstairs preparing to cook a meal for me and Charlie- he had never been the best of cooks, but I came down to find that he had already ordered a pizza.

When he saw me make my way to the kitchen he called me from the living room. "Bells, I already ordered a pizza for tonight, I thought it might make it easier for your first night back." I smiled and muttered thank you and settled down to watch television with him, but right on cue the door bell rang.

I jumped up and opened the door to see a face I already recognised. Eric Yorkie.

"I have one large cheese pizza and one medium pepperoni," he said in a dull voice which must mean that he had said the same kind of lines millions of times.

I took the two boxes from him and handed him the money. When he looked up at me his eyes widened as he recognised my face, but only to turn into slits moment later.

He turned away and walked down the path only to glare at me before getting in his car. I sighed and closed the door.

_Get used to it Bella _I told myself as I walked into the living room _It's going to be like this all day tomorrow._

We eat in silence, the only sound coming from the television, and the occasional licking of fingers.

After I cleared up I went straight into bed and let the tears escape again, then closed my eyes preparing myself for tomorrow.

----~~~~----

My alarm set off at seven giving me plenty of time to get to school for half past eight.

I took a shower washing my hair and letting the water relax my tensed up muscles, and after I was done I stepped out the shower and wrapped a towel securely around my body.

I looked at myself in the mirror; my eyes were rimmed red which showed that I had been crying all night. Which was nothing a bit of eye-liner couldn't fix.

My eyes had dark circles under them from the sleepiness nights of worrying about coming back.

Again nothing some foundation couldn't fix.

I got dressed for the day with consisted of dark wash straight leg jeans, a blue cami and a light grey wash v neck sweater. The cami and sweater hugged my curves, and when I applied my make-up, the eye liner outlined my chocolate brown eyes. I forced myself to smile at myself in the mirror but it didn't reach my eyes.

Glancing out the window I saw for once that it was a clear, and barely sunny day, but I bought my coat (the one which Sophie had bought me) just in case. I mean it was the Washington state for peaks sake.

I skipped breakfast and got into my car, unused to the speed of it, but I managed to get to school in one piece. The last time I had been here was when I was in my freshman year.

I parked in the closest space I could to the school and gave myself a quick once over in the mirror. I smoothed my blow dried hair gave my cheeks a quick pinch and got out the car.

I walked towards the main office with my head down and my iPod in. No one glanced my way as I made my way in. But soon they all would be.

I opened the door and stood into the warm bright office. I put my iPod away and approached the front desk, where the school secretary was sat. She didn't look up as I walked over; she was too busy tapping details into the computer.

I coughed once to get her attention and she unwillingly looked up. Her eyes brightened as she took me in.

"Isabella! How lovely it is to see you again!" She exclaimed, I smiled politely and waited for her to give me my schedule.

I was starting my junior year halfway through, but it didn't really make a difference to me if I was behind or not. Mrs Cope handed me a slip and when I looked at her questionably she replied. I need you to get your teachers to sign it to check that you didn't skip any lessons on your first day." She gave me a look and repressed the urge to sigh. Charlie must have told her that I tended to skive quite a bit in Phoenix.

"Thank you." I said and left the room making way for my first class which was English. By now I was ten minutes late, so the corridors were empty apart from the lockers, so I stood outside the door of the English room, scared to walk in.

_Just do it; you have to go in sooner or later. _I would rather later, but I still pulled down the handle and stepped into the room.

I kept my eyes on the teacher as I walked in to get my slipped signed. Whispers erupted from the seats as they took me.

"Be quiet!" The teacher told the class and they immediately fell silent, but instead each one of them turned their eyes to shoot daggers at me.

I got my slip signed, and turned around to have a seat. There was one next to my former best friend Jessica, but her glare made it clear that I was not welcome to sit there, so I went and sat by the one on the window.

I kept quiet the whole lesson, enduring the looks people kept giving me, so, most of the time I just stared out of the window, drowning in my own misery.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, I kept my head down, did my work, and heard all of the whispers about me as I walked down the halls- the halls in which I used to walk confidently and happily down those two years ago.

Lunch was the time I was dreading the most, the time in which I couldn't be protected by the teachers from the remarks that will soon come my way.

I pushed open the doors to the cafeteria and all chatter fell away, as everyone turned to look at me.

I kept my eyes forward as I made my way to the food, but I couldn't help but hear the whispers that came from all around me.

My eyes quickly scanned the table in hope for looking for _him._ Part of me wanted to see him, but a larger part wanted to make me dismiss him away, as part of this was his fault in the first place.

"Do you remember what happened at the party in freshman year?"

"Yeah, Jessica caught them _together."_

"Apparently they had been doing it for a while."

"I heard that while she was with her mum she was hooked on drugs, so that's why she was sent back."

I ignored all of these but then someone coughed loudly behind me "Slut." I froze in my footsteps, not daring to turn around to see who the culprit was.

But soon everyone was coughing and then chanting things from 'Slut' to 'Junkie' ect...

I turned to see Jessica smile evilly as she sat in the corner surrounded by her friends.

My eyes welled up with tears and I ran out the doors and drove home sobbing the whole way.


	2. Daggers

**Edwards POV**

Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and I were standing by the lockers, all of them getting impatient at me for waiting for me to finish putting my books away. It was the beginning of lunch time and I had just finished English, which was boring.

Since first period people had been whispering and looking at me, but whenever I had asked them what their problem was they just giggled and ran away.

I sighed as I closed my locker, and then looked at my watch. I was supposed to meet Jess here 5 minutes ago, but she had yet to show.

" Edward... Can we just go." Emmett wined. "I'm hungry and besides we could just meet Jess in the canteen it's not like she won't come looking for you." I rolled my eyes and agreed, it was just like Emmett to be hungry and we all began walking down the corridor. Alice and Jasper hand in hand and then same for Emmett and Rosalie. I was the only one left out because of Jess.

I scowled and looked around to check she wasn't hanging around with her friends or walking towards the lockers a bit late, but instead I saw Tyler running towards me.

" Hey! Edward!" He called, and I stopped to let him catch up and catch his breath again.

" Did you hear?" He said breathless.

" Hear what?" I said annoyed, why did people always have to start like that, it would be much easier just to tell you what it was.

" Bella Swan has come back from Phoenix." My heart pummelled to the floor. She was back?!

" Are you joking me?" I managed to choke out. He had to be joking. She shouldn't have come back. No one wanted her here. _Especially _me.

He shook his head, and I felt the anger boil inside of me. How _dare_ she come back. Since she left, everything had been perfect, despite how she broke my heart. But by her coming back it had ruined everything. I would have to face her.

Me and Tyler entered the Cafeteria together, only arriving in time to see a small brunette figure rush out of the opposite doors to the car park, crying her eyes out.

I looked around to see Jess watching the situation with satisfaction in her eyes.

No doubt would she make Bellas stay here a living hell.

And no doubt would i help to assist her in every way I could.

Bella swan, It's your time to get a taste of your own medicine.

**Bellas POV**

I didn't bother turning up for school for the next few days. Instead I just let myself slip into depression and let the memories wash over me.

Most of the time I spent crying was for the life I had before here in Forks. It was the life most teenage girls would dream to have. And I had it all. I had the bestest friends, I had a great boyfriend, everyone invited me to the parties, I had everything.

But it all went wrong.

Whenever I got close to thinking about it, I forced myself to push it away to the back of my mind again.

The first day I came home, I locked myself in my room and ignored the phone, which was no doubt the school wondering where I had run off to. When Charlie had walked in just after dark, the first thing he did was check the phone for all the messages Mrs cope had left, explaining my disappearance.

Charlie came upstairs and knocked on my door. I didn't bother to reply, he knew I was in here so why confirm what he already knew?

" Bella. I thought we had been through this." He said through the door.

I said nothing. After a while he went away, I heard his footsteps make its way downstairs and into the kitchen where he _attempted _to make himself something to eat. Of course I came down and intervened before he burnt the house down, but I did it in silence despite Charlies efforts to strike up a conversation with me.

The next two days the school rang up every morning asking where I was. Charlie was really nice about it, defending me saying that I have had a hard time lately and that I would go to school when I could face it. But he just thought that everyone had found out about the drugs, ( well they had but that was only part of it ) he didn't know about what had happened. No one did, sure everyone thought they knew what happened but it was nowhere close to the truth.

On Wednesday evening me and Charlie were sitting down eating pasta and sauce, when Charlies fist came down on the table. I jumped and looked up shocked.

" Bella! That's it! You're going to school tomorrow that's final!" My blood ran cold, I couldn't face school yet. I needed more time.

" But Da-" I began

" No buts Bella, I am fed up of making up excuses to the school, you need to face up to it, it will all blow over soon."

_Yeah that's what you think _I thought to myself sarcastically. But I didn't say anything out loud, I just nodded, accepting the fact that I would have to go to school the next day.

I done the dishes by hand and then went straight to bed even though it was too early for me to get to sleep, instead I just thought about how perfect everything used to be.

Again like Monday morning I got up, had a shower, washed my hair, dried my hair, had a wash, got changed ( Today it was a dark wash denim mini with black tights, dolly shoes a purple cami with a white cropped cardi that stopped just under my chest).

I eat breakfast today figuring that I would need the energy to get through today, and I also made myself some sandwiches so I would be able to eat on my own instead of enduring the cafeteria.

Charlie kept shooting me anxious glances throughout breakfast, as though he thought that I would break down and start crying begging not to go to school. But I kept strong and forced myself out the front door.

This morning I hadn't looked out the curtains, but if I had I would have seen that it snowed overnight, and now the roads were covered in black ice.

Great.

Someone as uncoordinated as me shouldn't be allowed out in this weather, it only made my balance problems worse than it already was. So this morning I took extra care walking down to my car, maybe dolly shoes weren't the exactly best choice for footwear this morning.

But I was too late for school by now too turn around.

When I got to school, the parking lot was clear of all people apart from one.

I recognised his bronze tousled hair immediately. He was just getting out of a silver Volvo, and even from here I could see his emerald green eyes. I parked up and waited until he was inside before I got out of my car. Not wanting a confrontation yet.

When I was sure that he was gone, I walked to English arriving 15 minutes later than everyone else.

" Nice of you to join us Miss Swan." Said my teacher, I mumbled sorry and went and sat at my seat.

I was given a reading list, and I was pleased to say that most of my favourite books were on it, so that would be easy enough to do.

When I left for the next class I kept my i pod in my ears and turned my music up to full blast so that i wouldn't have to hear what people were no doubt saying about me. I should've bought a hat as well then i wouldn't have had to put up with the evil looks I was receiving.

As soon as Spanish before lunch ended I hurried out of the room and into a bathroom stall and locked the door so nobody would see me.

I eat my sandwiches in silence, only pausing to stop eating when someone entered the bathrooms.

People complained about one of the toilets not opening, but thankfully no one bothered to look under the door to check if someone was there.

Voices came in and went as girls re-done their make up to impress the boys.

I used to be one of them.

Only two voices actually caught my attention, they came in and I assumed they were standing in front of the mirror.

" I don't know why Edwards been such a downer the last few days." Came a voice that I vaguely recognised but the name Edward instantly had my attention.

" It's because he found out Bella is back , she broke his heart and I don't think that he ever got over it." Came another voice

" Well she better watch her back because no doubt Jess, will make her life hell until she graduates." Came the same voice again.

" Well Bella deserves it for what she did to Jess, Edward and a few other girls." A pause . "Alice?"

"mm" Came Alice.

" Do you think Edward will forgive Bella."

" To be honest Rose, I'm not sure, but to be honest I don't think Bella should have come back, everyone hates her and she isn't one of my favourite people either." Said Alice and suddenly I realised who they were. Rosalie Hale and Alice Cullen. Alice was Edwards sister and Rosalie was going out with Emmett, Edwards brother.

They hadn't liked me that much before, probably because of who I hung out with, but we had a halfway point where we were always polite to each other whenever we spoke.

" I never liked Bella much anyway, she was too much of a slut." Said Rosalie .Yep that last statement confirmed my suspicions.

" I'm sure she isn't that bad." Said Alice, and the door swung open and their voices faded into the distance.

So I had broken Edwards heart did I? Well he broke mine in the first place. And that wasn't all he caused to break inside of me.

The bell rang, so I waited for a few minutes until the corridors were cleared and then I checked my timetable and headed towards my next lesson.

Biology.

I walked in and went to the teacher to introduce myself, he handed me a textbook and told me to sit in the only empty space. I could tell we would get along just fine.

But when I turned around, I almost walked out the classroom.

My stomach flipped over and I felt sick.

Because the only spare seat was next to Edward, and he was shooting me daggers that could probably kill.


	3. Smoking

**Bellas POV**

Reluctantly I walked over to the seat, but at snails pace. Edward watched my every step, my every move. But not gawking at me like I was used to boys doing back in Phoenix, but instead he was looking at me with so much hate that you could probably be buried with it.

I walked at snails pace. No. Wait...

A _snail_ could've gone faster than me.

" Hurry up Miss Swan, I haven't got all day you know" Huffed Mr Banner from behind me, which earned a few giggles and then laughs, as people turned to see who i had to sit by.

I glared at each one of them, taking my anger out on them, not the one person I should.

I pulled the stool out from under the table, and I noticed that Edward stiffened as I sat down next to him. I didn't want to see his expression so I focused my attention on Mr Banner at the front of the room. Mr Banner was looking through the mounds of paper on his desk and frowning, as though he couldn't find something that he was looking for.

My suspicions were soon confirmed.

" It seems as though I left the worksheets in the staff room, so you can all talk amongst yourselves for a few minutes while I just go and get them." As soon as he finished the sentence the once quiet room erupted into laughter and chatter.

Edward and I, were the only ones who weren't talking, both of us looking to the sides of us in opposite directions.

But only a few seconds later a chair was pulled up next to me, I could hear it scraping across the floor as it was dragged. When I saw who it was, I felt sick to my stomach.

Mike Newton. The most vile creature who could possibly roam the earth in my opinion. He was one of the reasons Edward and the rest of the school hated me so much now. But of course he had come out of it with his head held high and he still managed to regain his status at school.

But I came out of it as the whore who had broken hearts to many people.

" What do you want?" I snapped at him, at the edge of my vision I saw Edward stiffen even more as he heard me talk to Mike.

" Looking good Bells." He replied with a smirk.

With a sigh I turned away from him and faced the front again, scowling at the board. But of course Mike couldn't take the hint and leave.

" So Bella... I thought we could get together again sometime." He said with a wink. Euch. I hated his type. But thankfully, I knew a few good comebacks from my friends back in Phoenix, which would hopefully make him embarrassed and go away.

" What? And spend a few hours with your one inch wonder..? I don't think so." I shot back and turned yet again back to the board Edward had kept silent throughout all of this but I could feel his gaze burning into my cheek.

" You know you enjoyed it last time, and everyone else's." Mike whispered to me and i froze as I remembered what he had done. I should be running away from this memory not making jokes about it. Tears welled in my eyes, and I pushed them away forcefully, making sure Mike would not know he had gotten too me.

But unfortunately Edward heard Mikes comment, and I swear I heard him growl? Or was that just his stomach grumbling?

" Mike why don't you just do yourself a favour and leave? Bella doesn't want to have sex with you again." I winced at the menace in his voice as he said those last words. " Get over it and leave." He snapped.

Mike turned his attention on Edward and laughed.

" Oooh touchy Cullen!!" But thankfully he went away leaving Edward and I alone.

But I was shocked. Did he just stick up for me? I stared at him open mouthed, as he sighed frustrated and turned away. But I quickly regained myself and came out with a snappy remark, telling him that I was not the person he remembered me as.

But someone completely different.

" I can look after myself, I don't need _you_ sticking up for me." I hissed at him putting as much venom as I possibly could into my voice.

" I wasn't doing it for _you._ I was just fed up of hearing his voice." He hissed back, his eyes full of as much hatred as mine was.

" Sure." I said smirking, acting really cocky.

But before Edward could snap back, Mr Banner entered the room with the worksheets and he passed them around so we could answer the questions.

And that was how the rest of the biology lesson went, no sound on our table apart from the scratching of pens and the occasional annoyed sigh.

When the bell rang signalling the end of the lesson, I practically jumped out of my seat and ran out the door.

But then slowed down while I was halfway down the corridor, realising that I was far enough away from Edward, so that I wouldn't have to suffer another re encounter, and also when I remembered I had gym

Gym. I almost groaned to myself when I thought of gym.

Sure I was quite good at gymnastics, but when it came to other sports.. Well lets just say I always managed to trip over the air rather than flipping through it.

I shuffled my way to gym, ignoring the slut comments as I went. I just repeatedly told myself just to ignore them.

When I got there the coach didn't make me dress down for gym, instead he told me to sit and watch it while he looked for a uniform for me later on.

But instead of watching I decided it was time to call my friends back in phoenix.

I pressed '1' on speed dial and Chloe answered after the first ring.

" Hey! Bells! Hows Forks?" She said happily. I wonder if she had just taken some drugs? Wouldn't be the first time.

" Crap." I muttered, she didn't seem to notice I was upset.

" Bella! Check your school bag a minute, in the hidden pouch inside." Check in my school bag?

I opened it up and then found the hidden pouch. From what I could feel through there it was a small box. I frowned and opened it to find a box of cigarettes.

" Chloe! I told you I was giving up!" I said angry, she knew that I wouldn't be able to resist if they were put in front of my nose.

" And I told you that you wouldn't last long. Have one after class, it will make you feel better." She said and i could almost see her shrugging her shoulders at me. I sighed and gave in. Peer pressure over the phone? Who would have known.

But then the bell rang and I had to go, I thanked Chloe for the cigarettes and hung up.

I ran out the building all the way to my car and re opened my bag, bought out the cigarettes, then put one in my mouth and then lit it. I was sure that I would regret this later, but right this second I couldn't give another shit.

When I breathed it in I felt a sense of relief, but only for a few seconds, as I watched the main doors a few cars away, Edward came out. I tensed up and I could feel anger boil within me again, he scanned the car park as though looking for someone but as he laid eyes on me, his eyes turned hard.

But then when he saw what I was doing, his face turned to anger and he stomped over to me. When he reached me he took the fag out of my mouth and chucked it to the ground putting it out.

" Are you _trying_ to kill yourself?" He ask, anger radiating throughout his voice.

" Maybe." I shrugged. " Why do you care?" And I lit another cigarette only to have it taken from me again, and then straight after the box went from the top of my car along with my lighter.

I saw Edward tuck them into his jacket smirking at me and then turned and walked away.

" Hey!" I called after him. " Those aren't cheap!" But he didn't reply instead he stalked over to Jessica and put his arm over her shoulder and kissed her deeply.

Disgusted I turned away and kicked the wheel of my car, angered that my only haven had been taken away from me, by the one person I hated.

Sighing I got into my car and drove out of school, looking out the window only once to see Edward with his back to his car and kissing Jessica at the same time, but with his eyes open watching my every move. I felt a pang of pain go through my heart, but I pushed it away. I couldn't afford to have these emotions about him.

Shaking my head I drove home, take my anger out on the steering wheel.


	4. Thinking and Alice

**Edwards POV**

After sitting together with Bella in biology, I realised how much I had missed her. The gleam in her eye when she told a joke, and her snappy little remarks. But when Mike came over I knew something wasn't right about her. She stiffened and she looked like she was in physical pain, or like she was experiencing a painful memory.

When I saw how she was looking, I felt a pang of sorrow for her. Obviously talking to Mike made her in pain. Maybe she regretted what had happened? But whatever it was I wasn't sure that I could make her life hell as I had promised myself all those days ago. It was clear that Bella had not come back intentionally. She had been forced, I mean why would you _want_ to go back to some place where everybody hates you?

By this time it was halfway through Spanish my last lesson. I was next to Rosalie and she kept looking at me as though I was a bomb that was about to erupt any moment. I could only guess what my expression looked like, but I was sure it wasn't pretty. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rosalie scribble something down on a piece of paper and then gave it to me.

_What's up with you? You look like you could break something._

**Bella.**

_Oh, did you talk?_

**Only a bit, mostly just to make it clear how much we hate each other..**

Before Rosalie could reply however the note was ripped out of her hands and was being read by the teacher.

" Well, Miss Hale if you are concerned about your friend Edward, please refrain from asking him during class and next time, the note will be read aloud." And he walked away and at that moment the bell went. I got out my seat fast and ran out of the classroom wanting to find Jess.

I went into the parking lot and scanned it for her but my eyes fell on Bella, and when I saw what she was doing my eyes and face turned to anger.

_Smoking _was the most _vile,disgusting_ thing that you could ever do to yourself, it was sure to kill you in the future and nobody liked the smell.

But that was exactly what Bella was doing right now. Smoking and she didn't even look liked she cared.

_But why did I even care that she was smoking. I hate her, I shouldn't even be doing this, going over to her but I couldn't help it. _I thought to myself as I stalked over to her car. I took the cigarette out of her mouth and dropped it on the ground putting it out.

" Are you _trying_ to kill yourself?" I asked her. I mean what kind of person smokes on school property, and who knows how long she has been doing it for.

" Maybe." She shrugged and then shot back. " Why do you care?"

_Yeah why do I? _

She lit another cigarette, which I stole from her and then her lighter and the rest of the packet.

I put them in my jacket planning to bin them the first chance I could and smirking at her I walked towards Jessica who was talking to her friends,

" Hey! Those aren't cheap!" She called after me and when I reached Jess I draped my arm over her and kissed her at which she kissed me back.

Even though I had feelings for Jess, she didn't kiss like Bella could. I knew there was always a part of me that would still care about Bella, no matter how much I hated her, we had been through too much together to just let it go.

When Bella was driving past us I saw her watching and I watched her back while still kissing Jess.

But did I see a glimpse of anger on her face?

**Bellas POV**

Friday passed without a great incident, the ' slut, whore, junkie' comments were just as many as they were at the start but I began to learn to ignore them, I skipped lunch again and sat in the library in a deserted hidden corner where nobody could find me. In English, because I was late I ended up sitting by Edwards sister Alice, who shot glares at me the whole time.

Instead of retaliating I chose to ignore them. I only had a year and half of school left, hopefully I could get through my sentence of hell and go back to Phoenix.

Or..

If I _was really_ good I might be able _to persuade_ my mum to let me go back home. ( I still refused to think of Forks as my true home- Home was were you were supposed to be loved, by doubted anybody loved me here that much, even my own father, he was still touchy about the whole drugs thing.)

But still, a year and a half seemed like a long time to me, even when I tried to convince myself otherwise.

Biology was awkward. We both sat as far away from each other as the desk would allow and our faces were turned away from each other. I knew that a time would come when we had to work together but I just hoped that time wouldn't come too soon.

The weekend was boring, I done all of my homework on Friday night, so I had absolutely nothing to do. Charlie had gone to work like he used to, so I was stuck in the house on my own. Usually I would work this too my advantage and invite friends over.

But I had no friends here.

So I spent my weekend reading and watching tv, thinking about how crap my life is.

Fun isn't it?

But maybe if I had had friends here and gone to the usual Friday night party, I would have heard something that happened to Angela Weber, something that made me think about and something that would change the course of my life and somebody else's over the next few weeks.

On Monday after hearing the news of what Angela went through on Friday night, even though she didn't know the guy I was fairly sure of who it was.

And I held enough information to get this person into jail. I had all along, but knowing that it happened to someone else made my blood boil. He should have stopped after me.

If I had told someone long ago about this, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

But even now I couldn't speak it aloud, even alone in my room. My throat would just lock up and I ended up crying.

I felt ashamed that I hadn't been strong enough to resist it at the time, sorry for the people I had unintentionally hurt.

And overall sorry for the sad pathetic boy who got pleasure out of it.

But even if I told the people I hurt how sorry I was. I know they wouldn't believe me, high school never worked that way. Only rarely.

But what was weird was that after school on Monday. Alice Cullen was staring at me as though she was trying to figure me out, but also with a hint of worry.

I got into my car and drove off.

What the hell was that about?!


	5. You don't know anything about me

**I hadn't realised that I hadn't updated this story in quite a while.. sorry I have just been distracted.**

**So here is another chapter**

**Read and Review (: **

**xx**

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**Bellas POV**

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday went by quickly and before I knew it it was Friday.

Thank God for that.

Both Edward and I had come to some sort of halfway agreement that we would both ignore and not speak to each other unless it was completely necessary, which was lucky as there never was a reason to speak to each other.

So as I headed my way to English, contemplating the stares that Alice Cullen kept on giving me. It was like she _knew_ something about me, but was unwilling to share it unless it was confirmed.

_Creepy._

The whispers were as many as they were before. It seemed like I would never just edge of the radar here. But I learnt to keep my head down and ignore the comments.

If I could, I always avoided Jessica, I knew that if we had a face to face encounter, it would not end up very well. There were too much tension and hate between us, to ever have a normal halfway friendly conversation.

But I didn't really care about her.

I opened the door to my English room to find that once again I was late. ( I always made sure I was late for school so that I wouldn't have to talk to anybody..unsocial I know but I would take that any day than have bitchy remarks being said to my face constantly) When I stepped into the English room, I gave a quick glance around, surveying who was sitting where...

And the only spare seat was next to the one and only Alice Cullen.

The teacher gave me a glare like always ( he had given up on telling me off, I never listened to him) and with a sigh I made my way over to the seat, not meeting Alices stares.

I pulled the chair out and sat down, preparing to pay attention to the lecture the teacher was giving us about Shakespeare, but all I could feel was Alices gaze on my cheek. At first I began to ignore it, but it was so intense it got annoying and so eventually I turned my head her way.

" Take a picture, it will last longer." I hissed at her.

Her eyes flashed, but she didn't say anything so I sighed and turned my head back to the front of the room. Her gaze never wavered from my face, so instead of snapping at her again I waited for her to say what she had to say.

" Bella." She whispered and I unwillingly turned my head towards her.

" Yes?" I said curtly, not bothering like I should have to be polite, however my attempts at being rude didn't stop her from talking to me.

" How could you have done that to him?" I turned my head away from her to hide the tears in my eyes. " He done nothing but be the perfect boyfriend. What did he do to deserve this?"

" Shut up." I whispered so quietly that I was even surprised that she could hear me.

" When he saw you and Mike, it took him _months_ before he even began to get back to normal. You should have _seen_ how much pain you put him through." Alice continued whispering to me. These words struck a nerve though. Tears were now streaming down my face and I struggled to keep my temper, it was rising to my skin.

_If only she knew truth..._

" Alice, you have _no idea... _I went through more pain then he did. Well at least he had people to help. I had no one."

_And I still had no one. Not a single friend to help me._

Alice laughed quietly but bitterly. " I doubt that. The only pain you probably ever felt was the loss of having the two things you wanted."

How could such a small innocent looking girl, be so evil and harsh?

" Shut up." I whispered again.

But Alice didn't listen.

" I can still see it in his eyes every time he looks at you. He has never gotten over you. Not really. You should have stayed in Phoenix where you belong, because certainly nobody wants you_ here. _Just when Edward finally gets his life back on track_ you _show up and ruin everything again."

" You don't know _anything_ about me. You have no fucking idea what pain is. All you have to worry about is who is going to win the next football match, or whether that nice top is still going to be in the shop next weekend. Maybe if you come down from your cloud in the sky, you might be able to work out what really happened. It's not that hard to figure out. And I don't want to be here either, I was happy enough in Phoenix. Unlike some shitty loser place like here!" I nearly ended up shouting at her, and I grabbed my stuff and just left the classroom without one word of explanation to the teacher.

I hoped that gave Alice something to think of, and I also hoped that she passed on what I said to Edward.

I ran to the bathroom and dropped my bag onto the floor. And before I knew it I was crying, full out crying. About a minute later the bathroom door opened behind me and I lifted my face to the mirror to see who was behind me.

My face has mascara streaks down it my eyes were red and puffy and my eye liner had smudged so that I had panda eyes.

And standing behind me was. Alice.

I blinked in surprise, she was one of the last people I would have expected to run after me.

" I. Don't. Understand." She said frustratingly. " And believe me Bella, I have tried to think about this, but I keep coming up short."

I turned around and stared at her tiny form which was shaking with frustration. What was she on about?

" What?" I managed to say.

Alice looked up at me and smiled. " Honestly Bella, I could never be _that_ mean on purpose." Then she laughed, but it turned dark and she cut it short. " But I always knew something wasn't right about this situation but I just couldn't figure out what it was!" Then she kicked the wall, while all the time I stared at her incredulously.

" But then I tried another form of a plan, guilt tripping you into saying what happened but that didn't work either." Her face shot to mine and smiled weakly. " I hate to admit it Bella, but you are a strong person who good at hiding things."

" I'm.. not.. strong." I whispered.

" Yes you are Bella, I reckon you might be the strongest person that I know. Also probably one of the good pure people once you tell me the real story."

" I'm.. not.. good... either."

" Bella! Of course you are. Okay we may not have gotten on well in the past, but I can see through the mask you are hiding so well behind."

" But Alice." I whispered. " If I was a good person, then why did this happen to me. Bad things only happen to bad people.. God would have helped me if I was good." And I was crying again and then I turned hysterical, I clutched my hair as though I was trying to pull it out. " NOTHING I DO IS RIGHT! I SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO LIVE. IM A FILTHY WHORE WHO IS NOTHING! _NOTHING!! _He raped me Alice. _He raped me_." Alice kept quiet throughout this thinking. " And nobody gave me a chance to explain, so of course I went to phoenix to get away from all the hate and abuse, but things didn't go to well there either, I became involved in drugs just to get rid of my disgusting filthy secret of the whore I am. But then my mother sends me back here. To my personal hell." I chocked out.

I slumped to the floor crying, I felt Alice sit down next to me, and wrap her tiny arms around me while I cried myself out and calmed down.

When I, turned relatively back to normal Alice spoke.

" Of course there is nothing that I can say to make it better, but I guess with a bit of friend support you will be just fine. But I also think you should tell Edward. He has the right to know the truth."

I was all for the friend support part, I knew that now Alice knew the truth we would probably become quite good friends. But I didn't want to tell Edward. That would just show how weak I was, not able to look after myself having to let myself get into that sort of situation in the first place, even at a party with loads of people around in the next rooms. I knew what he would think. That I was dirty and no use to anybody, I was covered in filth and shouldn't be touched let alone spoken too.

" Alice I can't."

She looked at me and understanding dawned in her eyes and then they brightened in excitement.

" I have an idea.. My parents are away for the weekend, you should sleep over tonight. Get to know each other better!" She said enthusiastically.

" Um.. Alice.. I'm not sure if that is such a good idea.." If I went to Alices house, Edward would be there..

" Don't worry Bella. Edward is spending the weekend at Jess's house." I winced when she said that, there would be no doubt of what they would be getting up too.

Alice seemed to think that she said something wrong because she moved on. " Pleeasse Bella!" She said and done the whole guilt tripping puppy eyes thing.

I couldn't resist.

" Fine." I huffed.

I mean who knows I could enjoy this. A long chat with someone who knew most things now could be a good thing.

But something nagging in my mind told me that telling Alice was a bad idea. I knew somehow that it would get out now, whether I wanted it to or not.

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**Aha so you are probably thinking, that Bella will tell Edward and everything will be all sugary and smiley...**

**Well I am going to be evill..**

**There will be a few unexpected twists to come :D**

**Remember to review **

**xxx**


	6. Authors Note

**Okay so i have been practically non existent the last month or so, and I was planning to update loads this Easter holiday and I'm to gonna give you the usually homework excuse but i have been in hospital for a week and am recovering at home from an operation.**

**I don't know how long I will be updating now, because i get tired very easily and not very up to sitting down to write whole chapters.**

**But I _promise_ I will update my stories as soon as I can.**

**Happy Easter (:**

**xxx**


	7. Advice

**Okay an update ! I made a fanfic poster for this story. It's not good as it was my first try but the link is on my profile.**

**Anyway like always read and review :)**

**xx**

**

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****Bellas POV**

I gave Alice a lift back to my house, where I gathered all of my things. Things were a teensy bit awkward at first, but Alices talking gradually managed to warm things up. She helped me pack my things into a small bag and waited patiently while I left my father a note telling him where I would be and when I would be back.

I wish I had gotten to know Alice those few years ago. She was such a nice person, and hopefully if things went well, she could become a good friend. I could do with a few of those around here at the moment.

" Where the rumours about you in Phoenix true?" She asked suddenly. Well she sure didn't beat around the bush.

" Yes." I said with a sigh. " But I regret every single moment of it." She sensed that I wanted to close it there so she switched the subject.

" You have changed a lot since freshman year." She noted.

I laughed. " I must have been a bitch back then. I know Rosalie thinks so ."

" No. Not a bitch.. just different. You acted more confidently. And how did you know that Rosalie thinks your a bitch?"

" I heard you two talking about me in the bathroom." I admitted.

Alices mouth fell open. " Oh my gosh Bella! I didn't me-" I held up my hand to stop her.

" No. Honestly it's okay, I don't really care what people think." And I smiled at her just to show her that I really was okay with it. She smiled back but I don't think she looked fully convinced. At that moment we turned into Alice's driveway and I was more than relieved to confirm that Edwards Volvo wasn't in it.

Alice showed me up to her room and we dumped my stuff there. We couldn't decide what to do next, so we just ended up talking.

Alice told me all about her relationship with Jasper. ( Well most of it, there were parts that I didn't really want to hear). I didn't know him very well but from what I heard was that he was a really nice guy. She told me more about her older brother Emmett( He was a senior and was out on a date with Rosalie tonight ) also how he was constantly cracking bad or rude jokes. She talked about Rosalie a little as well and though she said purely good things about her, I wasn't fully convinced that she seemed like a nice person.

She never mentioned anything about how Edward had gotten on in the last two years and I was thankful for it. I didn't want to know how much I had hurt him.

When Alice talked about her friends, I felt hollow inside. I only realised that I had never really experienced proper friendship. Two years ago Jessica was my best friend, but I knew we weren't as close as we made out to be. We were just best friends for convenience it brought both of us. She was friends with me because I was popular and I was friends with her so she could introduce me to boys ( that part got less used as time went on I managed to gain my own confidence eventually )and she was the one who got me introduced to Edward in the first place. And in Phoenix my friends were only 'friends' with me because of the status I gave them.

But Alice had experienced proper friendship. Maybe I could have had it last time in Forks, but I had been too narrow-minded to care about anyone else who wasn't in the 'partying group'.

" So Bella, what was Phoenix like? I bet it was a nice change from all the rain here." Alice asked me and pulled a face to show her hate for the rain. Of course I wouldn't be able to get away with not talking about me.

" Phoenix... It was really hot there, I guess I took it for advantage while I was there. Sure it was a nice change but the green here is also a nice change."

" Edward would love Phoenix, he is _always_ complaining about the rain here." I looked away when she said Edwards name. I still wasn't comfortable talking about him, but I guess I had _a lot_ of gossip to catch up on and I know that Alice was _dying_ to tell me.

" Alice.." I said cautiously, testing to see whether I could say it. " How long have Jess and Edward been going out?" I could see the surprise in Alices eyes in the change of subject, but she soon got over it.

" Oh. Well about a few months after you left I guess. But Edward never liked Jess as much as he liked you. I think he just ended up going out with her because he was expected too. If you know what I mean?"

I nodded I knew too well what she meant.

By now it was about eight o clock and we had talked for four hours, I could feel my voice getting tired. I guess Alice could sense it as well.

" Why don't we go downstairs and watch a movie?" She suggested, I agreed and as we both headed down the stairs the front door opened and none other than Edward Cullen himself walked in carrying an eight pack of beer.

" What are you doing here?" Alice demanded.

Edward looked up at us both halfway down the stairs surprised. His gaze flickered from Alice to me and then back again.

" Well.. I thought since that Mum and Dad were away we could have a house party!" His words were a bit slurred so it was obvious that he had already been drinking.

" Edward._ I _was left in charge. There is going to be no house party tonight." Alice hissed at him.

" Aw come on Alice. It's a Friday night. We all deserve some fun and besides people are already arriving." And sure enough outside the door you could hear the tired on the gravel and footsteps, shouts and laughter. Alice and I were standing in front of Edward. I was doing my best not to look at him and likewise.

" God help you Edward if anything happens to this house." Just then people came came rushing through the door some carrying food, some with alcohol and even a few guys with speakers.

Alice glared at Edward as the music came on and then ran off towards two guys who were chucking around a blue vase.

" Put that down right now, I _swear_ if you break that..." Was what I heard Alice shouting to the boys before she faded from view.

Which just left Edward and I standing together awkwardly. Edward opened his mouth to say something but I didn't want to talk to him so I brushed passed him into the kitchen.

I grabbed a beer off the side and opened it. I nearly moaned with the satisfaction of alcohol in my mouth. The beer was frothy and warm. I hadn't had it in ages and it tasted fantastic.

For the next hour and a half I sat on the kitchen counter surveying everyone. At one point I did try to find Alice but she was nowhere to be seen. I didn't bother trying to make conversation with anybody, not that they would want to talk to me either.

I saw Jess and Tyler dancing together. A bit too close if you ask me.

I sighed. I wanted to go home, even though it was only about ten I was very tired and I just wanted to get out of here. But number one I couldn't find Alice and number two I didn't have the heart to tell her that I wanted to go.

I turned my head towards the stairs and saw Mike just coming down them. His eyes met mine and a mischievous smile entered its way onto his face.

_Aw Crap._

I jumped off the counter and ran out the back door, checking to make sure that he wasn't following me.

Nope all was good.

I put down my empty 4th beer can on the ground. It takes more than four cans of beer to get me drunk now. I wasn't feeling that much of any effects yet. I breathed in lungfuls of air and just stared at the red roses in a bush.

For once it wasn't cloudy. It was a clear sky tonight and you could see the moon and the stars. It was also a full moon tonight and I stared up at it, in awe of its beauty.

" Beautiful isn't it?" Said a voice from behind me. I jumped and turned around. Edward was standing right behind me, and I hadn't even noticed him coming. His eyes shot to mine and he smiled a little.

I didn't smile back.

" What do you want?" I said a little too harshly.

He looked a bit offended. He opened his mouth to say something but then shut it as though he changed his mind and then opened it again. " I wanted to talk to you." He finally said.

" Your more sober." I noted. He just looked at me and I sighed. " Fine what do you want to say?"

" Bella... Why did you do it?" He whispered. I felt myself choke up. How was I supposed to answer him? I wanted to tell him so bad, but I just couldn't make myself say the words. It was bad enough telling Alice earlier, but saying it again so soon.....

" I-I.." I didn't know what to say, so I looked away.

Edward grabbed my face gently with his hand and forced my eyes to his. " Was I never good enough for you? Did you want more? I tried so hard.." I could feel the tears coming now and I wanted to cry out that I was raped and hold him.

But I couldn't.

I managed to tear myself out of his grip and I did the only thing that seemed sensible.

I ran away.

I could hear Edward calling after me, but he made no move to follow me. I ran inside the house just wanting to be alone. Anywhere I could just go to pieces and no one will discover me.

I ran up the stairs and into the bathroom where I locked the door and cried until I was dry.

* * *

I woke up on a cold hard surface. My neck was feeling stiff and I soon discovered the reason why.

I had fallen asleep with my head resting on the bath tub. I moved my arms and legs and they too were stiff. Sunlight was shining through the window, so I must have slept through the rest of the party.

I got up and took a look at myself in the mirror. My eye liner and mascara had smudged from crying, but apart from that I actually looked okay.

I washed off my make up and dried my face. My stomach grumbled then, so I decided it was time for breakfast.

I opened the bathroom door and made my way down the stairs. Passing the living room on the way to the kitchen I saw Jess and Tyler on the sofa together fast asleep. Their legs intertwined and they were all wrapped up in each other as though they had a massive make out session before they crashed.

I felt a pang go through me. Poor Edward he couldn't manage to find a girlfriend without being hurt could he?

I continued my way to the kitchen where I saw Edward rummaging through the fridge. I turned to make my way elsewhere, but Edward looked up at my entrance. He saw me leaving and called after me.

" No! You can stay... If you want." He said, almost pleadingly. I walked back in and sat down at the table.

He pulled out some eggs and bacon and that was the first time I properly got a look at him this morning.

And man he did look rough. Hangover I assumed, his hair was messed up and he was pale. Too pale and his eyes were bloodshot and had dark circles underneath them. He was wearing pyjama bottoms and nothing else.

" Hangover?" I asked. He looked around at me and smiled.

" Do I look that bad?"

" Um..." Unsure whether I should lie or tell the truth.

" I'll take that as a yes then." He laughed, he made to put the eggs in the frying pan.

" If I were you right now, I wouldn't eat those eggs." I stated fact.

" Why, do you want them for yourself?" He said teasingly.

" No, you're hung over. You'll be sick." He just smiled at me ignoring my advice and proceeded to cook the eggs. We were acting like we used to when we were going out. It seemed like there was no tension between us at the moment. And I liked it. It was a nice change. I just wish things were different.

Edward finished frying his eggs and set them on a plate and then sat across the table from me. He began eating his eggs and I watched him expectantly.

When he was done he put his fork down and smiled at me smugly.

I sat there waiting. He would be sick any time soon. And not two minutes later he jumped out of his seat and ran to the sink where he threw up.

When he was done he turned around and saw my smug smile.

" Don't say I told you so." He warned as that was what I had opened my mouth to about to say.

" Just stick to water." I advised.

I made to get up but he began talking again.

" There must be something wrong with me. I can never do anything right." He said and as I met his eyes I knew he had seen Jess in the living room.

" I'm sorry."

He laughed sarcastically. " So am I. Why can I never pick the _right _girlfriend. They always cheat on me." I bit my lip and looked away.

If he would just give me another chance. I could be the right girlfriend again.

But that would never happen.


	8. Steal

**Yay! I finally got myself a beta( ridingondreams) You should definitely check her out, she is an amazing author, and even though this is the first chapter she has officially beta'd, she is amazing at it ! ^_^ **

**I had so much to say, and now I have forgotten.. :/**

**Anyway, sorry I haven't updated in over a month :O, I just have been very busy and besides I did update The Fear twice in one week... :D**

**Enjoy :)**

**

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****Chapter 7**

Beta'd by ridingondreams

**Bella's POV**

My hair was getting soaked as I made my way across the car park to my silver Audi. Of course the heavens would decide to open up and drench me just as I walked out of the front doors. I could only see a few feet in front of me through the rain, everything else was a blur. I could imagine the people who had the sense to bring umbrellas laughing at me because my make-up was running down my face. I expected I looked like a drowned rat.

How attractive.

I fished my keys out of my bag and unlocked the driver's door. Climbing inside, I basked in how nice it was to be sheltered from the rain. I closed the door safely behind me and turned on the car's heater, fluffing my hair out so that it would dry quicker. Whilst that was heating up, I turned on the windscreen wipers so that I could see all of the cars as well as the front doors, where students were still piling out. The girls were moaning about their hair and make-up while the boys were just walking out into the rain without a care in the world.

I quickly scanned the area until my eyes landed on the person I was looking for. Edward Cullen. He had just walked out the front building with his hands in his pockets. Scowling up at the rain clouds, he made his way over to his car which was parked only a few down from mine. Thankfully though, he didn't see me watching him. He would have thought that I was some kind of creepy stalker. When he was about halfway across the lot, Jessica intercepted and began talking to him. She looked really desperate.

They looked like they were arguing over something. Jess was constantly trying to put her arms around Edward in an embrace, but Edward wasn't having any of that. Instead, he kept pulling away and lightly shoving her from him. She shouted something at his back as he walked away, but Edward flipped her off and got into his car. Jess, looking furious, scanned around the car park, looking for someone as I had done only minutes before. She nearly turned around in a complete circle before her eyes landed on me, sitting in my toasty car. I noticed that all the vehicles that had been parked between Edward and I were gone, leaving him staring at me. Pretending not to notice him, I kept my eyes forward and put the keys into the ignition. Jessica saw that I had witnessed the exchange between the two of them, and was now storming over to me, not looking happy at all. I slammed my foot on the gas and shot out of the car lot feeling satisfied with what I had just seen.

The reason for the tiff between Edward and Jess was a result of something that had happened earlier today. It was Monday and had probably been the best school day since I had returned from Phoenix. Everyone had been going on and on about Friday's party—including all the gossip. Who hooked up with who, who fought with who, who said what to who, who broke up; the usual. The hot topic was Edward and Jessica. Somehow, everybody had heard about Jess and Tyler. It wasn't _me_ who spread the news, but I assume that Edward must have seen the two of them—I mean, they _were_ in public view.

It was at lunch time when all the action happened. Forks High's biggest break-up since the 'fiasco' two years ago took place. Apparently, Jessica had been avoiding Edward all day. When he finally cornered her in the cafeteria, a whole shouting match began.

Jess, of course, was denying everything, but Edward wasn't listening to her pleas and excuses. "Jess, I've had enough. Don't give me any bullshit either. I saw you both with my own two eyes, so don't even _try_ to deny it."

"It's because of _her_ isn't it?!" Jess shouted, tears running down her face as she tried to grab hold of Edward's hands. "Do you not remember what she did to both of us years ago?!"

"This has nothing to do with Bella." Edward said coldly, his eyes flickering towards the table at which Alice and I were seated at. The argument went on for another five minutes, then Edward did the last thing I would have expected him to do. He came and sat down at mine and Alice's table

We both stared at him in shock and then out of the blue he started a conversation. I could see people all around the lunch room glancing our way, shock and surprise etched onto every one of their faces. I blushed, though I didn't know why, and kept my head down. I picked apart the bagel I was eating. Mostly Alice and Edward supplied the conversation at our table. I just kept quiet, unless I was asked a direct question.

Why was Edward sitting next to me, acting as though nothing went wrong between us? All he would have to do is put his arm around me and it would be like before. I could have just opened my mouth right then and told him the truth... but what would he say? Would he accept me the way I was—dirty and violated? Or would he decide that he didn't want a girlfriend who was already unclean? The latter seemed more likely to me, and thus why I decided not to tell him.

"Bella, are you ready for class?"

Edward's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, yeah, class."

I stood up and followed Edward out of the cafeteria. We walked to Biology in silence, neither of us quite knowing what to say. Everyone was staring at us as we walked down the hall together. That was when the whispering started.

"Look! Bella can't restrain herself from stealing Jess' boyfriends. First Mike, now Edward." Someone shouted out. I felt the tears spring into my eyes. Yes, this was what everyone still thought of me. A whore, a slut, and a home wrecker.

"Don't listen to them." Edward advised from next to me.

"Why shouldn't I? It's not like they will believe any other story I give them." That was true; everyone will just think I was asking for attention if I cried rape.

Edward didn't reply. Instead, we entered the lab in silence and sat down.

For the rest of the day my thoughts were consumed by Edward. Was there any chance of us getting back together? No. But was there a chance of us being friends? Possibly.

That brought me back to present. I was only a few minutes down the highway, but my car's engine suddenly died. I had enough power to steer to the side of the road, but apart from that I was buggered.

_Aw crap, please not now, _I thought to myself as I tried to re-start the engine. No such luck.

Swearing to myself, I climbed out into the rain to see if I could identify what was wrong with the engine. I opened the car's bonnet to see if I could recognise what had gone wrong, but I just stared at it completely dumbfounded. Who was I kidding? I knew absolutely nothing about cars, so what was the point in pretending I did?

I closed the car's hood and because I wasn't in a particularly good mood, kicked the tire. "For fuck's sake!" I screamed out loud. Why the hell was everything going wrong?

"You know, kicking the wheel isn't going to fix your car." A voice I knew too well came from behind me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, annoyed. The rain was still pouring down; why was I wasting my time talking to Edward when I was getting even more soaked by the second?

"I was on my way home."

"Really? I swear your house was on the other side of town."

"Fine, I was on my way to do the shopping."

"But the store is on the other side of town as well," I pointed out.

Edward sighed, defeated. "Fine, I was driving to your house, because I wanted to talk to you. Happy now?"

I smiled, "A little."

"So, do you need a lift home then?"

"Oh no, I'm fine, I was just going to call a tow truck." To prove my point, I brought out the phone from my pocket and waved it in the air...but just then the low battery tune tinkled and the screen died.

Edward leant over the passenger seat and opened the door for me.

"Get in." He ordered. Sighing, I got my bag out of my car and got into Edward's Volvo.

"Thanks." I said stiffly. Edward laughed.

"You know," He commented, "you look like you just walked out of the shower."

"I hadn't noticed."I said sarcastically.

"Sarcasm could be taken for rudeness, you know."

"That's the whole point of it."

"You have changed a lot Bella, more than you probably think you have."

I shrugged, "People change all the time."

"True, but some people change for the worse rather than the better."

Sighing, I twiddled my thumbs. "What are you really getting at?"

"Drugs? Smoking? You're not the same person I used to know."

"I'm influenced easily."

Edward laughed. "Could you get influenced to come back to the light side, by me?"

I cracked a smile, "Maybe."

The car slowed down and Edward pulled into my driveway. "We're here."

"Oh."

"You sound disappointed that you're leaving me," Edward teased.

"I think you have let popularity go to your head. It's not good for you."

Laughing, Edward replied, "Bye Bella."

It was my cue to go.

"Bye...and thanks, you know, for the ride." I climbed out the car and Edward pulled out the driveway, then drove off.

Smiling, I walked into the house thinking about him. It seemed like he was willing to forgive me for what happened. But, would he forgive me if I told him the truth?

I decided to ring my mum, just to tell her how I was doing. I hadn't spoken to her in a long time and she tends to get worried very easily.

I glanced up at the clock; great, time to cook dinner. I had a look in the cupboards to find we didn't have a lot in the house. Looks like I will have to do the food shopping soon. I searched further, and in the end I settled for steak and chips, nice and simple to cook.

Charlie came in around half past six, looking shocked that I was actually in.

"Hey Bells, I thought you were out. Your car isn't parked outside."

"Yeah," I sighed. "My car broke down on the highway; I don't know what to do with it."

"You remember Jacob Black, don't you?"

"Yeah," He had been one of my good friends a few years ago. In a way I felt bad—I hadn't called him since my return.

"Well, he works fixing cars now. Why don't you give him a ring?"

I told my dad I would and went to call Jake.

He answered after the second ring. "Uh...hey Jake, it's Bella. Do you remember me?"

"Oh, hey Bells. My dad did mention you were back in town. How come you didn't call me before?" He asked, mock hurt in his voice.

"Sorry, I've just been...busy." I sighed, "Could you do me a favour? My car broke down on the highway and—"

"You want me to fix it." He finished.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," I joked. "Would you mind?"

"Of course I wouldn't!"

"Thanks so much, I really appreciate it." I told Jake where the spare keys in the car were. We said our goodbyes and then hung up.

----~~~~----

It wasn't until the next morning as I was walking out the front door that I was faced with a dilemma. How on earth was I supposed to get to school? Sighing, I turned around thinking about calling Alice for a lift. That was when a car pulled into my driveway.

I stared at the driver in shock, as he climbed out of the car.

"I remembered you didn't have a car, so I thought you could do with a lift to school."

"Oh...um...thanks." I embarrassingly replied, thinking about the fact that he had been thinking about me, even if it was only about how I was getting to school.

He smiled his infamous smile and opened the passenger door for me. I smiled my thanks and got in.

"You didn't have to go through all this trouble just to pick me up."

"Oh, I know. I just wanted too," he shrugged.

The ride to school was silent, apart from the radio. It was playing chart music. We reached the school and Edward parked, then we got out. As we walked across the lot, people began staring at us again.

"People are going to think that we're back together," I pointed out.

He shrugged, "Let them think that, then."

I stared at him, unsure what to think. As we got further into the school we split up and I walked off to my first class.

The rest of the week went by with Edward picking me up to go and come back from school. Of course the rumours began only a few hours after Edward drove me to school for the first day. I didn't even care. Edward was right; let them think whatever they want. Suddenly, before I knew it, it was Friday.

Edward had been sitting at our table for lunch the whole week, earning glares from Rosalie. I guess it seemed like I had been stealing all of her friends.

On Tuesday, Jasper joined us as well, which made Alice happy that he seemed to have accepted me.

On Wednesday though, I think that Rosalie had finally gotten very pissed off. She confronted Alice and I at the beginning of lunch whilst we were by the lockers.

After putting away my books and grabbing my lunch I closed the metal door, only to find that Rosalie had been standing behind it all the time. She didn't look happy.

"Yes?" I asked curtly.

"Why do you have to steal friends and boyfriends from other people? Can't you find your own?" she hissed.

"Rose." Alice cautioned, trying to reason with her.

"No Alice, why are you even _friends_ with her? You know what she did, and yet you act like it was fine for her to do."

"You don't understand..." Alice said, looking as though she was bursting to tell Rosalie the truth so that we could all be friends. I kept quiet throughout this exchange, knowing that I was in fact stealing Rosalie's friends from her.

"Oh, I think I understand Alice." She then turned her attention to me, "this girl is a lowly slut. I can't even believe that she had the guts to come back to Forks. Probably because her drug supplier in Phoenix went broke so she came here looking for a new one."

Rosalie was talking as though I couldn't hear every single one of her words. They hurt me, but not as much as they would have a week ago. I was finally getting back on my feet. I was becoming a stronger person.

"Bella, can I tell her?" Alice asked, her eyes pleading for me to say 'yes'

"Do whatever you want." I snapped, walking away from them towards the cafeteria, where I sat down and took my seat. The truth was, I didn't actually mind Rosalie knowing. The only problem was that it was another person who could end up telling Edward.

"Where's Alice?" Jasper asked as I was taking out my lunch.

"Lockers," I grumbled.

Only a few minutes later, Alice and Rosalie entered the room. Rosalie stalked straight past our table without so much as a glance. I watched her as she strode over to Emmett, who was looking pretty forgone sitting on his own, though his face brightened up instantly when he saw Rosalie was approaching. She whispered something in his ear, took his hand, and then dragged him in our direction.

"I told her." Alice said, but not mentioning anything else. Just at that moment Emmett and Rosalie sat down. Rosalie placed herself at my left side—Edward was on my right—and whispered in my ear.

_"I'm sorry."_

Edward heard and looked at me, questioning what Rosalie had just said. I shook my head signalling that I wasn't going to answer.

Lunch that Thursday was very fun. It is true what they say; the more the merrier. Rosalie wasn't as snobby as I always thought she was—she just sticks up for her friends.

Edward and I walked to Biology as always, then for gym Rosalie partnered up with me. We were playing badminton.

That was yesterday. As I made my way to lunch today, I had this feeling in my gut that perhaps something wasn't going to go right today. However, lunch went just as smoothly as yesterday, following with Edward's and my routine of walking to Biology together. Everything seemed to be going perfect until...

Mike approached us. Edward and I had just sat down at our table, things as perfect as they had been all week. As Mike drew nearer my hands began shaking; fear was flowing through me. I forced my face forward. When Mike had approached me on my first day, I wasn't scared. But now I was and I didn't know why.

"Hey guys." Mike said, leaning his elbows on the table in front of me. He then gave me what he probably thought was a seductive smile. I shivered.

"Newton." Edward acknowledged. I said nothing.

"So there's this party at Tyler's house tonight...you both in?"

"I'm busy." We both said at the same time. Mike shrugged and walked off.

Edward turned to me and raised his eyebrows, "So, you're busy then?"

What, was he trying to ask me out or something?

"So are you." I pointed out, "And no I'm not, I just don't want to go to a party with him there." I pulled a face.

"Even with me?" He teased.

"I might reconsider..." I smiled.

"We could go together then?" Edward offered, and I thought about it. It wouldn't be so bad, I guess

"Okay, I'll call you later." I replied, and at that moment Mr. Banner walked in. I didn't get the chance to talk to Edward for the rest of the lesson. Gym, again, wasn't so bad; Rosalie partnered up with me and asked about my relationship with Edward.

"I don't know," I told her honestly, "I mean, he asked if I wanted to go to the party with him tonight, but I expect that it's just out of courtesy."

Rosalie squealed at this. "Bella, he obviously still likes you."

"I highly doubt it, I 'cheated' on him. Remember?"

"You have to tell him."

"I know," I sighed, "I'm just scared that he wouldn't want me. I'm so dirty and used..." I let my voice trail off weakly.

"He will never think of you like that."

I didn't answer, but I did respond to her with small, forced smile.

----~~~~----

Edward met me after gym so that he could drive me home. We were standing outside his Volvo discussing what time I should call him so that he could pick me up, when I heard someone call my name out from behind me.

"Bella!"

I turned around and spied Jacob, who was looking pretty pleased with himself, and was leaning against...

"My car!" I jumped and ran towards it, "I'll call you later!" I yelled, turning back to Edward. He was walking away without as much as a goodbye.

"See you, then..." I grumbled to myself, proceeding to run and hug Jacob. "You're a star! You know that don't you?"

"I've been told." He said with a laugh. I chuckled along with him.

"How did you get it fixed so fast?"

"I get obsessed with projects easily."

"I hope you haven't been neglecting your school work." I said disapprovingly, though I couldn't exactly say much. In Phoenix I rarely handed in homework. Jacob just shrugged.

"Come on, I'll give you a lift home." We both got in the car and I drove the 15 minute journey to La Push. We mainly talked about how the last few years have been. I told Jake all about Phoenix—heck I told him almost everything... apart from the fact that I was raped.

I went inside his house for an hour to say hello to Billy, Jake's dad, and have a look at the motorbikes he was working on. I have to admit, he was good at this kind of stuff. But while he was explaining what he had been doing with them I had no idea about half of the equipment and pieces he was on about.

After that, we went to the Forks diner and had a meal. We still had so much to catch up on. Usually on a Friday night it was packed with teenagers, but we were the only ones there. Jake happened to notice this as I did.

"Where is everyone?" He looked around incredulously. The place was practically empty apart from us and a family with two young kids.

"There's a party on tonight, which is probably where everyone is."

"Oh, why don't we go? A party isn't a party without _me_ there."

I laughed, "Let me call Edward then and tell him not to pick me up."

I rung his mobile and he answered after the first ring; he probably was waiting for my call.

"Hey," I began, and without giving him a chance to respond,f I carried on, "you don't need to pick me up; I'm about to drive there now."

"Is your friend coming?"He said, a hard edge on his voice.

"_Jacob _is in fact coming. I'll meet you there, okay?"

Edward muttered okay and then hung up.

"Someone's a bit grumpy," I mumbled as I put my phone away.

Jacob stood up, "Come on, let's go already. I haven't had a good party in ages."

Laughing, I took his hand and walked out of the diner, climbing into my Audi and making our way to Tyler's house.

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**Okay, not the most exciting chapter, but I assure you the next one will be full of drama, drama, drama. And I really mean it :D I wonder if anyone can guess what happens?**

**Anyway, sorry I understand that I do use a lot of British slang, if it confuses you, just ask me what it means ^_^ My beta pointed it out to me... Sorry guys ! ^_^ **

**Oh, I just realised that there is a spellchecker on the editing document thing, cool stuff :)**

**Remember to review :)**

**xx**


	9. Bad Enough

**Sorry for the long update, but I have been a busy bee ;) I also know that this is a short update as well, but quite a lot happens in the chapter so yeah, I hope it kind of makes up for it.**

**Also, I'm going to be concentrating on this story a lot now until it's finished. My quota for updating will me. Darkest Hours, We Cry, some other story, Darkest Hours We Cry, some other story and so on... So hopefully this story should be finished soon :)**

**x**

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__If you are going through hell, keep going._

_- Sir Winston Churchill _

**Bella's POV**

Heavy music was pounding out of Tyler's house as Jake and I approached it while walking up the medium sized driveway. People were lounging around outside, holding cans of beer or bottles of vodka. The front lawn already looked trashed, there were paper plates, empty cups and cans and other various objects like trainers, hats and even someone's red bra littered on the grass. Okay...that was a little..._disturbing_, but I had seen and experienced worse.

We entered the house and out the corner of my eye, I could see Jacob eyeing up most of the girls, who were wearing pretty revealing outfits. I stared at them in disgust; I couldn't believe that a few years ago _I _was one of them, trying to get their tits out for any passing man. How pathetic. Despite the drug abuse and smoking in Phoenix, surprisingly enough I was never a slut, I was too scared to get too close to any boys after what had happened with Mike.

I shuddered; I hated thinking about that, it always made me feel sick and frightened.

"How can you be cold in _here_?" Jacob asked incredulously, he had noticed my shiver then. "It's like roasting in here, what with all the hot girls around," he added with a wink. A smile played around the corners of my mouth, every boy was the same, not very happy unless there is a pretty girl near them.

Suddenly a brown haired girl popped out of nowhere. "Hi Bella, I was wondering if you could introduce me to your _friend_." I frowned, who was she and why was she talking to me? Hardly anyone talked to me at school, I was the school's whore remember? But judging by the way she was looking at Jacob, I knew exactly why.

"Oh...Um...this is Jacob. And Jacob...this is...uh..."

"Katie. I'm Katie," she said, sticking her hand out for Jacob to shake. Well at least she saved me from getting her name wrong.

However, instead of shaking her hand like any normal person, Jacob brought it to his mouth and kissed it softly. Katie giggled as though she was a young teenager, not a seventeen year old.

"Would you like to dance?" Jacob asked.

"Ooh, yes that would be great!" And with another wink in my direction, Jacob grabbed Katie's hand and led her off towards an area which had been cleared for dancing. At the moment they were playing was Usher's song yeah, and I could just about imagine Jacob with Katie, grinding to it.

I shook that thought out of my head; it wasn't the nicest of images to imagine about your friend. In fact, it seemed kind of wrong. I had known Jake for years, so I guess that he would have to grow up soon. It's just that Jacob seemed like a younger brother to me, so I guess that was why I felt a little overprotective and also a little jealous. It only took me a moment to figure out why. I envied the way he had it easy, just being able to go out and have fun without the gossip, the whispers and the rumours.

But...I also had the power to stop all of it. Just a few words and it would be gone. So, why did I find it so hard to say it to the one person who it really should matter too? Sure, I had no problem telling Alice, or even Alice telling Rosalie. But just saying it to Edward...

I rolled my eyes. Here I was, surrounded by alcohol and I was worrying about problems that happened about two years ago. I sighed and picked up a beer can. Taking a gulp from it I proceeded down the hallway, thinking about finding Edward.

I didn't bother asking anybody if they had seen him or not, as they were already giving me filthy looks for just being within close proximity to them, but from my quick scout of downstairs, I soon found out that he wasn't there.

I trekked up the stairs, scanning the faces for Edward's, but still he seemed to have disappeared off of the face of the earth. I opened various doors, hoping to find him in one of those. But no such luck. They were either empty, or had couples in them, making out and beginning to get up to other..._stuff_.

Eventually, I had tried all of the doors apart from one, right at the end. Praying that he was in this last room, I walked over to it and turned the handle.

However, as soon as I stepped into the room's darkness, someone grabbed my arm and pulled me in properly, before shutting the door after me.

The grip was tight and the person holding me tugged me to the other side of the room roughly. I couldn't see where I was going, so I kept stumbling, but I couldn't stop the wave of déjà vu washing over me, making me panic even more.

"Get off me!" I gasped, trying to pry the hand away from my upper arm.

"Ah, sweet Bella, how I enjoyed the last time," he said, slurring his words, his breath reeking of alcohol.

"No, get away from me or I'll- I'll." I struggled to find a threat.

"Now now Bella, I know you will enjoy it this time just as much as the last one."

"No, no, please." The tears began falling now, as I struggled against his arms.

"Bella, be a good girl. I promise it will be much better this time," he purred in my ear.

I opened my mouth, preparing for a good scream, but he smacked his hand over it, muffling my cries. I was slammed onto the floor, and he climbed on top of me, pinning me down. His breath stunk and I gagged, still struggling for a way to get out.

I could feel my heart racing against my chest, and I wondered how long it would take for it to rip out. I felt sick; my stomach was churning up the food I had recently eaten.

His brought his free hand down onto my jeans, unbuttoning them and then unzipping them. I fought even harder now, not wanting to experience this again. He then undid his belt and pulled his trousers down, followed by mine. I could feel his erection against my thigh and I was almost sick there and then.

But then... the door opened, flooding the room with light and I almost breathed a sigh of relief. Well, that was until I saw who was standing in the doorway.

It was Edward.

"I should have known," he said coldly, looking at me with the uppermost amount of pure hatred I had ever seen in my life.

"No, Edward," I whispered.

Mike groaned and got up off of me. Hastily, I pulled my jeans up and stood up, moving as far away from Mike as I possibly could.

"What do you want Cullen? We were busy." Mike said icily, giving me a look, ordering me not to say anything.

My head was dizzy, and I felt as though I was going to throw up. Mike was making it sound as though we were about to have sex. Not that I was about to be raped. Which, I guess Edward believed, which also meant that Edward thought I was a slag again.

"Edward..." I began, but he mustered one last glare at me before turning on his heels and walking away.

"No!" I cried, running after him, leaving Mike behind. My eyes brimmed with tears, and soon they fell out of them and onto my face.

I saw Edward running down the stairs and out of the front door. I elbowed my way past people, ignoring their rude replies. All that mattered to me at that moment was Edward. I had to explain. I couldn't let him go, not again.

Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice were all standing beside the exit, laughing and drinking.

"Bella wha-" Alice began asking as I rushed passed them.

Edward was now nearing his car and as I exited the house, I screamed out his name.

"Edward! Come back! Please!" I begged.

He stopped and turned around and began storming back towards me.

"What? Why Bella? Why would you do this again? Do you not think that I couldn't fulfil your needs?" He spat out the last few words, and I winced when he said them.

"That's not what happened..." I trailed off.

"Then what did?" His tone turned mocking.

"I-I-"

"You what Bella? Can't think of some _pathetic_ excuse to make up for what you had just done again?" I stood there, unable to say anything in my defence. I knew this would happen. "I was even beginning to fall for you again. How stupid I was. I was ready to forgive you for the last time, but when I saw you and Mike again..."

"Edward, you don't understand," I said, in one last weak attempt to get him to see reason.

"Oh, I think I understand well enough. This is the last time I ever want to see your slutty face ever again. Even better, why don't you fuck back off to Phoenix and become a druggy again. You could probably get your sexual needs taken care of quicker there."

"Edward, don't," I moaned. My heart felt as though it was ripping into tiny pieces, and my head was swimming.

He muttered pathetic under his breath and turned away, leaving me standing there, my mouth opening and closing like a fish. No, this cannot be happening to me again. Isn't once bad enough? Have I don't something terrible in the past? Why God? Why?

I watched him as he got into his Volvo and as he sped down the driveway. As soon as he was out of sight, I collapsed onto all fours and began crying and sobbing, quickly turning into hysterics. Soon enough, I began retching and heaving, until I was eventually being sick on the grass.

_He hates me, he hates me, and he hates me,_ were the only words that were going through my mind at that moment, and they were also the words that hit me the most. I began crying even harder, if that were possible. I felt two arms wrap around my waist hugging me, while another two pulled my hair away from my face, preventing from getting it tangled in my vomit.

When I had finished being sick, I looked up to find Alice and Rosalie, with Jasper and Emmett not far behind looking thoroughly confused.

"What happened?" Rosalie whispered.

"He-he did it again," I choked out. "And Edward walked in, and now he h-hates me."

"Aw honey, we'll talk to him, don't worry. Mike won't get away with it this time around."

"No, I can't let him find out the truth. What will he think of me then? Weak, dirty..."

"Bella, you're not in your right mind right now, you need to get home."

_Home._

That meant there was only one thing that there was left to do.

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**ooo what is Bella going to do?? And what will happen between her and Edward?**

**Review and you will find out soon enough :)**

**x**


	10. Don't remember

**Whoops, I update a day or so later than I said I would. But I updated. And this is also a nice long chapter for you :) So I hope you enjoy it, and I will try and update in the next few days again.**

**x**

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__"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." _

_- Ayn Rand (1905-1982)_

**Bella's POV**

The rest of the night's events were blurred in my mind.

I vaguely remember being repeatedly sick over and over again, whilst Rose, Alice and I all cried. I remember Jasper inquiring what was wrong, and Emmett holding Rosalie back, while she tried to slap and hit Mike. I remember Alice telling me that she will talk to Edward when she gets home and that she will get him to come and see me or call me at the very least. I remember Rosalie muttering that she will kill Mike on Monday at school, and that she is going to tell everyone what he did to me, and also to Angela those few weeks ago. But the one thing that haunted me the most was Edward's face when he walked into the room. It wasn't something I would ever forget. That expression was worse than the first time it happened. It was probably due to the fact that this was the second time he caught me being 'unfaithful'.

Somehow, I had managed to get myself home and up into my room without my Father asking any questions about where I had been or who I had been with.

If only he knew the truth...

The first thing I did when I got into my room was strip down to my underwear and put my pyjama's on, then I climbed into my bed sobbing uncontrollably again. I curled into a ball and wrapped my arms around my legs, trying not to think about who had been the last person to touch them.

Oh Edward, Edward, Edward. He was the only person I could think of at that moment. Oh, why God? Why does fate have to work in opposite ways to me? Did I do something wrong?

I rushed out of bed and flew to the bathroom as I felt bile rise in my throat again, and I only made it to the toilet in time, throwing up whilst the vomit burnt my throat, making it raw. When I finished, I cried again, looking at my hands, watching them shake and tremble. I wiped my tears away and stood up facing the mirror. As I washed my hands, I couldn't take my eyes of my reflected image. My eyes were haunted and my make-up had run, two big lines of mascara streaks running down my cheeks. There were flecks of smudged eyeliner around my eyes and my hair was all over the place.

I turned away, disgusted and turned on the shower. Whilst letting the water heat up, I brushed my teeth, removing any traces of bile that may be caught in my mouth and also the taste it left. I brushed as well as I could, until I could only taste the mint of the toothpaste. I undressed and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water wash away any traces of _him_. I scrubbed every inch of my skin as well as I could, as if doing that would make me forget what happened, but unfortunately, it didn't.

I stepped out the shower and wrapping a towel around my wet body, I looked in the mirror again. I did look better after a good wash, but I couldn't look at my own eyes, they scared me too much. I quickly got back into my pyjamas and crept downstairs, glad to find that my dad had already gone to bed. Well, that is going to make my job easier.

I took the phone off of the table and dialled a number that I remembered from two years ago.

"Hello, welcome to America Airlines, how may I help you?" A kind female voice asked from the other end of the phone line.

"Hi, I would like to book a single journey to Phoenix," I whispered.

----~~~~----

The next morning I swung my duffel bag over my shoulder, as I walked downstairs. On the hall table, I noticed that there was a notepad and pen.

I dumped my bag on the floor and tore off a piece of paper, and hastily scribbled a note down for my Father. It read:

_Dad,_

_I know that I promised you and mum that I would stay here in Forks and be safe. However, I'm sorry, but I cannot take being here anymore. It brings back bad memories that I would rather forget. It is nothing to do with you of course, but events that have happened at school. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I promise I will come and visit when things get better. Maybe someday in the far future I will tell you what happened, but for now I think it would be best to go back to Phoenix._

_Love, Bella x_

I folded the note in half and put Dad on front of it and left it on the coffee table in the sitting room, where I knew he would find it as that is the first room he walks into when he gets in from work. I made for the front door, but after a moment's hesitation I walked back to the notepad and ripped off more paper, this time however, it was addressed for Edward.

After I finished writing it, I folded it in half and placed it in an envelope, sealing it so that my Father won't read it. After writing Edward's name on the front of it, I placed it next to my first note and left my house without a backwards glance.

A taxi was waiting for me and I climbed into it, looking forward to the sun that will engulf me in a few hours.

----~~~~----

"_Hey Bella, would you like to dance?" Mike asked me. At the moment I was perched on Edward's lap, his arm wrapped securely around my waist while the other held a bottle of vodka._

"_Uh, I'm OK. Thanks anyway Mike," I replied, glancing nervously at Edward. He tended to get jealous very easily when he was drunk._

"_Aw, come on Bella, just one dance?" Mike pleaded._

"_No Mike, I-"_

"_Bella, just dance with him," Edward snapped, "It's not going to kill you."_

_Unwillingly and pissed off, I got up, remembering to give Edward the finger before I let Mike tug me towards the dance floor. I clenched my fists together. Sometimes I just wanted to punch Edward, and this was one of them. He knew how much I detested Mike, and yet he couldn't even come to my defence when I needed him the most. I didn't want to spend the next song with Mike's arms around him, smelling his body odour and his drunken breath._

_A new song began pounding through the speakers, and Mike put his hands on my waist and began swaying to the beat. I copied him, pretending that I was having a good time. Regardless of how much I hated him, I still didn't want to hurt his feelings._

_When the song finished, I turned to go back to Edward and have a go at him, but Mike grabbed my hand, pulling me back._

"_Let's go and get a drink?" Mike suggested, and before I had a chance to reply, he was pulling me towards the kitchen. He grabbed two beers and handed one to me. I opened it and gulped down half a can of the frothy warn liquid in one go and yet again, as I turned to leave Mike, he grabbed my arm and asked me to go and find Jessica with him._

_Reluctantly I agreed. I wanted to talk to my best friend as well, and seeing as we were both searching for her, why not do it together? We entered room after room, asking around for Jessica, but no such luck._

_There was one door left on the second floor that we hadn't tried yet, and Mike pushed it open, flooding the darkness with light._

_We entered, calling Jess's name, but no answer. So I turned to exit the room, but Mike slammed the door shut and pressed me into the wall._

"_What are you doi-" I began, but Mike forced his lips against mine, cutting off the rest of my question._

_I tried shoving against his shoulders, but he pressed against me harder. No! I'm dating Edward and he is dating Jessica. He cannot do this to me._

"_Stop resisting Bella," he growled so that I almost felt scared of him. "You can't deny the chemistry between us."_

_I repressed a snort. The only chemistry between us was my disliking of him._

"_Get away or I swear to God that when Edward comes, I will personally make sure he rips off your head."_

_But Mike took me by surprise and instead of listening to my threats like most normal people would; he threw me to the floor and pinned me down._

"_Don't argue back to me." His tone made him sound angry._

"_Mike, what are you doing?" I asked, beginning to feel afraid as his hands slithered between us down to my jeans. He shook his head and told me to shut up as he undid my jeans and pulled them down as best as he could. I screamed out, realising what he was about to do, but he smacked a hand over my mouth preventing anyone from seeking us. He used his other hand to undo his belt and then his trousers and he pulled them down, along with his boxers._

_Soon there was only the thin material of my underwear separating us, and soon that was gone as well._

_I cried out as best as I could while Mike stole me. Each thrust pained me even more, and I struggled against him, just thinking to myself, if only Edward hadn't told me to go and dance with Mike. My brain was all confused, I couldn't think straight, and I could feel my stomach turning over as Mike held me down tightly. There was sure to be bruises the next morning when I woke up._

_When I felt Mike beginning to slow down, the door open and both of our heads turned to see Jessica silhouetted in the doorway._

"_You little slut!" Jess hissed as she turned on the light switch. Mike got away from me and redressed himself, as did I, wiping the tears that were streaming down my face. _

"_Jess what's wrong?" Edward said as he entered the room along with a few others._

_Both Jess and I were shaking- her from anger, but me from pure terror._

"_I just saw Bella and Mike, shagging on my bedroom floor," she cried._

"_No, Jess, That isn't what-"_

"_Yes we were and what are you going to do about it?" Mike hissed._

_The only person I had eyes for at the moment was Edward, and the look on his face ranged from hurt, to anger and then to hatred._

"_And I'm not the only one she has been having sex with. Isn't that right Tyler?" Mike said, asking his best friend who had just entered the room along with several others to see what the commotion was all about. _

"_Yes, it is. We did it around mine the other week."Tyler replied, backing up his friend. Mike was blatantly trying to cover his tracks by making out that I was the slut._

"_No-" I whispered, but Edward cut me off._

"_Go, you slag. I never want to see your face ever again." He shouted, and I winced._

"_Edward believe me, I'm your girlfriend," I begged._

"_I don't have a girlfriend," Edward said coldly._

"_Like I don't have a best friend," Jess injected._

_Sobbing, I ran from the house, hearing Mike's bellowing laughter chase after me..._

"Miss, wake up. We've landed." Someone was shaking me, rousing me from my nightmare.

"Oh. Right. Thank you," I said distractedly, whilst I gathered my hand luggage. My nightmare was the memory of when I first got raped. I couldn't remember the whole details about how terrified, frightened and ill I felt at the time, but I could clearly remember all the words said to me.

I exited the plane deep in my thoughts, and I also collected my luggage still in thoughts. If it wasn't for my friend Chloe shouting my name, I probably would've just stood here staring into space.

"Bella! Over here!" She yelled, I turned to her and began running to her and she did the same, I dropped my bag just before we jumped into a hug, her olive complexion contrasting against my pale milky one and her eyes feigning excitement that I was here again. I had called Chloe when I was at the airport back in Washington, asking her to pick me up.

"Hey, you look different." She noted.

"Thanks," I said dryly.

"Oh, not in a bad way," she said, immediately trying to suck up to me again.

"I know, though it probably is a bad change," I muttered as we headed towards her convertible.

We spent the journey to my house catching up- though I never told her about me nearly being raped. I just told her that I was fed up of the rain and couldn't stand it in Forks anymore and that I wanted a change. She seemed, however, appeased by my answer and didn't pursue it any further.

When we turned into my street, the first thing I saw was my red truck, sitting in all of its glory in the driveway, gathering dust. I smiled when I saw it, I hadn't realised how much I missed it.

Chloe pulled up in front of my house and we both got out of my car just as my Mother came rushing out of the house, clutching the phone.

"Bella! What on earth were you thinking?! I sent you to Forks for a _reason_. We agreed that it would be the best for you there so you can, you know, _recover_. You shouldn't have run off like that. Your Father has been worried sick, not to mention me. Anything could have happened to you..." Halfway through her rant, Renee seemed to have noticed Chloe was with me, as she put a forced smile on her face.

"Hello Chloe. I haven't seen you for a while." My Mother said, her voice hinting that she wanted Chloe to leave.

"Well, I must get going," Chloe said, backing towards her car. "It was nice seeing you again Mrs Dwyer, bye Bella," she added before getting in her car and driving away. Renee waved and kept a smile on her face until Chloe was out of eye shot.

"Bella, we are going to call your Father and have a serious talk," she said sternly. I sighed, and followed her into the house while she dialled Charlie's number. He must have picked up on the first ring, as just after Renee put the phone to her ear she began speaking.

"Charlie. Yes, she is here with me." There was a pause while my dad said something then Renee spoke again. "Yes, I'll put you on speakerphone."

"Bella?" Charlie asked through the phone speaker.

"I'm right here Dad," I said wearily.

"Bella, I want you back on a plane to Fork immediately!" he ordered so loudly that I jumped.

"Charlie, why don't we talk about it calmly," my mum said, trying to reason with him.

"Please, can I just stay here? Can you give me one last chance," I pleaded as I began crying again. I didn't want to have to go back to Forks; I couldn't face him for a second time.

Renee watched me, appraising me and then sighed. "I guess that one more chance won't do any harm," she said. "Is that OK with you Charlie?"

There was a moments silence whilst Charlie contemplated. "Fine," he huffed. "But if there is any more funny stuff Bella, I'm warning you now, you will be on a plane straight back here," he warned.

I felt so happy that I almost laughed. I never had to return to Forks again! "Thanks mum," I kissed her on the cheek. "And thanks dad!" I shouted in the direction of the phone, and I grabbed my bag and ran upstairs, revelling in my new happiness, as I tried to forget all things that made tied me to Forks.

**Edward's POV**

"Edward, wake up!" Someone hissed above me. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times, making sure I was awake.

"Alice, what do you want?" I mumbled. "It's ten in the morning," I complained.

"You have to talk to Bella," she said shaking me, attempting to get me out of bed.

"I don't want to talk to her Alice. You know what she did," I replied coldly.

"No Edward, you don't understand. It's not what you think. Please," she begged, I could see tears in her eyes as she tried to get me to see reason.

"Alice..." I moaned.

"Please Edward, everything will make sense," she promised and tears began trickling down her cheek.

I hated it when my sister cried.

"OK, fine Alice, I will go and see her. But I'm not promising anything." I was still fuming from last night, and I didn't know if I was going to be able to keep my cool whilst talking to her.

Alice smiled watery at me and exited my room, leaving me to get dressed. Once I was showered, fully clothed and had eaten, I left the house, keys in hand and drove to Bella's house. I pulled up in front of the grass. Her car was in the driveway, as was her Father's, which meant I would probably have to drive with her somewhere, so that her Father doesn't eavesdrop.

I knocked on the door twice, waiting patiently until someone answered it.

"Hello Chief Swan," I said politely.

"Hello Edward, come in." I followed him into the house, looking for any sign of Bella.

"Is it possible to have a word with Bella?" I asked.

"She's gone."

"Gone? When will she be back then?" I frowned; her car was outside so where on earth had she gotten too.

"Phoenix, so I doubt when she will come home."

"Oh, sorry for your time. I guess I should leave now." I turned to leave but Charlie called me back.

"Bella left this for you," he said and held out a white sealed envelope.

"Thank you Chief Swan and it was good to see you again."

"You too Edward, and please, call me Charlie. How many times do I have to tell you that?" I laughed and left the house. Once I was inside my car, I opened the envelope and a note from Bella fell out. I opened it, and once I read it, I set it down and began thinking. What happened then if she never cheated on me?

But the sad thing was; I never worked it out.

_Dear Edward,_

_If you're reading this, then I am probably in Phoenix by now, which means I probably won't see you ever again. But I couldn't leave without saying what I have been trying to tell you for weeks._

_I never cheated on you Edward. I would never ever do something like that, I wouldn't even think of doing it. _

_But if you think about it closely, I'm sure that you can figure out what happened to me._

_I love you._

_Bella x_

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**_Annddd I stared another story :S _**

**The Ashes like Snow**

**Full Summary: Two families, one world and a constant battle of violence and death. It isn't safe for anyone, you speak out and you are assassinated. If you have been seen with the suspected enemy, you will be hung, you harbour fugitives, you and your whole family will be shot. This is the way the world we live in works. Bella has never known any different. She is at the core of the Swan's, one of the two battling families, but when she finds herself in a terrifying situation, will she find that what she has always been taught, isn't always true. **

**_It is rated M, so go an check it out. But don't worry this story is still my main priority until it is finished, which should happen in the next few weeks._**

**_And also go and vote on the poll on my profile. It is 'I am thinking of doing an imprint story, what cannon shall I do?' Seth is in the lead at the moment and Embry is last, so go and vote if you want to change that._**

**_Follow me on twitter. I get lonely when I write most of the time, and I like talking to people :D The link is on my profile._**

**_Remember to review :)_**

**_x_**


	11. Lost control

**Hmm... I really dislike this chapter, I found it hard to write. But hey, I did it no matter how much I didn't like it. **

**Read and review :)**

**x**

_

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__An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded. __  
- Pope John Paul II_

_If you do not change the direction in which you are going, you will end up where you are headed.__  
- Confucius_

_Four months later- The night after the last day of junior year..._

**Bella's POV:**

"Bella, I really don't think this is a good idea..." Chloe said, glancing up and down the street nervously, checking to see if anybody was watching us.

"Aw, Chloe...Sweet, naive, Chloe. Come on, lighten up a bit, have some fun," I said, giggling and shoving her playfully.

"Bella, you're drunk, you don't know what you are doing," Chloe said, frowning and crossing her arms.

"I'm not _that _drunk. I only had a weensy bit, honest!" And then I giggled again.

"Yeah, a bottle of vodka, 5 cans of beer and half a bottle of wine is only a little isn't it?" she said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes. "Come on Chlo, do you want to win this bet or not?"

"Yes, but if you're the one who is driving then I would rather not," she replied.

I spotted a black Porsche and made my way over to it. Chloe caught up with me fast. "Bella, what are you doing? I thought we were going back to your house to get your truck?"

"No," I stated as though it was obvious. "You know my truck can't go over sixty miles an hour. We need a car that can do over _one hundred_." My eyes were gleaming as I finished the sentence and I trailed my hand along the black paint on the car, sighing and wishing I had a car this beautiful.

"Bella, stop, let's just go home and forget all about this bet," Chloe said, looking at the owner's house, checking to see that no one was peering out of the curtains at us.

"But I need to win. That fucking prick, what's his name? Oh yeah, Johnny, needs to learn his place. Fucking cocky little shit he is. Thinking he is all that just because he got the new land rover, and shouting about how girls can't drive good cars."

"Just ignore him; you can have a go at him when you are sober and at school in front of _everyone. _We don't need a race to prove ourselves."

"This is more fun."

"Bella, please, I'm already grounded, I don't want to get arrested as well," Chloe pleaded with me.

"Such a pretty car," I muttered, trailing my fingers along the windows.

"Bella, don't even think-" And without warning, I clenched my hand into a fist and punched the window with all the strength I could muster, and it shattered into hundreds of small pieces. I cried out as the glass cut into my hand, but I gritted my teeth and pushed the pain away. I took another swig of the vodka and found that it helped me deal with the pain a little. Then I reached in the car and opened the door from the inside and climbed into the driver's seat.

"Chloe, get in, quick!" I said, because I could see the owner coming out of his house shouting at me, with a phone n his hand. I opened the glove compartment and thankfully, I found the spare keys. I still don't understand why people kept spare keys _inside _of the car, it didn't make sense. But I wasn't complaining, without them I couldn't have stolen the car.

I slammed down on the gas, zooming down the street. Chloe was gripping her seat with a look of uppermost terror on her face. I looked at the speedometer and I was going one hundred and twenty miles an hour.

"Woo!" I shouted, as I turned on the radio and found some rap music, and turned it on full blast. I glanced over at Chloe and she was shaking with anger. "You know what Bella; I am fed up of your stupid ways. Once we get to the square, I am going to get out of this car and go home. Fucking hell, is this how you're going to spend your pathetic life, on drugs and alcohol? Well in a few years I'll probably see you living on the streets, begging," she shouted over the thump of the heavy baseline.

Her words hit a nerve, yes; this was the way my life was going; spiralling out of control. And there was nothing I could do about it. If I stopped and moved away from temptation and back to Forks, I would have to face Edward again, and I couldn't do that. I felt better this way, the drugs and alcohol somehow managed to keep a little bit of my sanity left, if that made any sense. We had entered the square by now which was crowded with noisy, drunken, teenagers. I was pretty surprised that the cops hadn't come to break it up by now, but then again I was pretty surprised that I hadn't managed to crash the car yet.

"Get out then and don't come running back to me when you find that you have no friends," I said harshly.

She undid her seat belt and glared at me. "Oh, it's not me who I'm worried about; you will be the one who ends up having no friends. People are already beginning to get fed up of you. Why don't you go back to Forks where you belong," she spat and climbed out of the Porsche.

"Fuck you Chloe," I shouted after her, she just flipped me off and walked towards Sophie, Ellie and Abi, who were hanging round with some lads that I hadn't met before.

In the time I had been in Forks, they all seemed to have matured much more and never come out for any fun. It pissed me off; I came back to Phoenix to get away from Mike and Edward and to get some sense of release, but no, everybody changed in my absence...

"Stupid party poopers," I muttered as I climbed out of the car and walked towards Johnny who was staring at me and the car with a look of wonder on his face.

"Like what you see Jonny?" I said, with a sly little wink.

"Is that your car?!" he exclaimed.

"I recently acquired it," I replied, leaving out that I stole it. "Well, are you ready to get started then or what?" I asked, holding out my hand for him to shake.

"Yeah." His smile turned cocky again and he held my hand. "We race around the road that goes around five blocks and comes back here. The first one to arrive here wins. If you win, I won't say another sexist comment about you and your friends. I win, and you become my slave for a week. Is it a deal?"

I shivered when he said the word 'slave' but I swallowed my fear and shook his hand back. "It's a deal," I said boldly and got back into my car, whilst Jonny entered his Land Rover.

Through the broken window I could hear Luke shout out at everyone to gather around and watch as he stepped in the middle of the two cars.

"On your marks! Get set! GO!" he shouted, waving his arms down as he said go.

I slammed down the pedal and sped forward, whizzing past the buildings whose silhouettes I could only just make out. Next to me, Jonny was doing the same, going at the same speed.

Snarling a little, I pressed the gas down even harder and shot forward. I turned on the radio to add to the vibe and began singing along to that as well.

I was three blocks away from the square by now and in my rear-view mirror I saw Johnny gaining on me, his face twisted into one of anger. I smirked and face forwards again, and turned another corner onto a new block.

Only two more left now... I saw my phone ringing in the seat next to me, and at a quick glance I saw that it was my Mother, probably ringing to tell me off or threaten to send me back to Forks... all that usual shit. However, I ignored it; I would deal with her later.

I turned onto the last block, and at another glance behind me I saw that Johnny was only a few meters behind now. I pushed the pedal down even harder than before, and I turned the corner back into the square. All of the girls were jumping up and down when they saw it was me who had come first, and I could make out the boy swearing at me and looking disgruntled. I smiled and drove towards everyone.

However, as I was going too fast, I lost control of the breaks. I tried to stop the engine but it kept flying me towards the statue in the middle of the square. I turned off the radio and could hear girls screaming and see their faces of horror – which probably matched mine- as I smashed right into the statue.

I could smell petrol and smoke; I could see pieces of the statue fall onto the car, some even smashing the front window. I felt a searing pain in my head and ribs. People were screaming even harder.

And those were my last images before I fell into the awaiting darkness.

----~~~~----

Slowly, I came to my senses again. Around me I could hear the beeping of a heart monitor and the breathing of someone who was sitting nearby. I could hear the hustle of people in the corridor as they walked past, talking about certain patients and who was finishing their shift and when, or people complaining that they hadn't had their break yet because so and so made them work overtime yet again.

I groaned and brought my hand to my head, it felt as though that someone had whacked a hammer against it.

"Bella, are you awake?" A familiar voice asked.

"M-mum, is that you?" I stuttered, as I struggled to open my eyes. "Where am I?"

"You're in hospital sweetie, you had a bit of an accident," she said, grabbing one of my hands in both of hers in a comforting gesture.

Images flashed through my mind. Chloe, Porsche, Jonny, race, winning, _crashing_. There was also a lot of screaming and a lot of blood.

I blinked a few times, letting my eyes adjust to the bright light and finally opened them to take in my Mother's face, smiling down at me. "What happened?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

"You can't remember?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"No, I can. What I meant was what happened after I- uh- you know- _crashed_."

"Well, someone called the police and ambulance, but when they arrived no one was there apart from you in the wreck. It took them almost twenty minutes to get you safely out of the car, you were losing so much blood..." my mother trailed off at the thought of what would have happened if they hadn't got me out in time.

"I'm sorry mum; I messed up big time didn't I?"

"Yes, you did. It was a miracle that you weren't even killed, not just from the crash but by the amount of alcohol you consumed beforehand. Honestly Bella you could have had your stomach pumped from the amount that you had drunk, and where on earth did you get it all from? I know that I don't have that much stored at home."

"I'm sorry, I really am." I felt a lump rise in my throat at the thought of what I had put my mum through whilst I was getting treated.

"Where did I go wrong? Where did Charlie and I both go wrong Bella? Did we not bring you up properly? Did we not teach you the dangers of drugs at a young age?" she moaned and put her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking, signalling that she was crying. I just wanted to open my mouth and tell her that I was raped and then she would cry even more and hold me whilst I cried as well. She would call my Dad, who in return would arrest Mike for rape, then maybe Edward will find out and come and see me to apologise for jumping to the wrong conclusions, and then everything would end up happily, ever after, with rainbows and unicorns and smiling daisies... (Yeah right, like that would ever happen.)

But I didn't.

"You're sending me back to Forks, aren't you?" I stated the realisation of what I had just done dawned on me. I would have to go back to Forks and face them. _Again._

Renee lifted her head and stared straight into my eyes, no emotion present whatsoever, just the solid darkness her eyes turned to in those few seconds. And on a closer inspection I noticed that she looked paler than usually and had dark circles and bags under her eyes as though she had recently had trouble sleeping. "No honey. That decision is not up to me anymore. It is now up to the courts. You have a trial coming up in three weeks time. You damaged State property, not to mention theft and underage drinking. It is beyond my control now Bella. Look where you've ended up. With a possible criminal record – which if you get it will be incredibly hard for you to get a job with- and I have had to tell them about the illegal drug use. I hope you realise that what you have done has shamed me and Charlie. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that you are my daughter." She pulled her arm away from my hand as I had reached out to touch her and stormed out of the room, brushing the furious tears away.

"Mum!" I called, my throat sounding thick as I pushed back tears, but I received no answer.

I fell back onto the pillow, crying. I was such a stupid bitch. I had no friends, a possible criminal record and I could get sent to prison for the next few years. If that happened I could never graduate and go to university and get a good job. My whole life was basically over.

And it was up for the courts to decide my fate now in three weeks. I just hoped that they went easy on me.

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**If you are thinking 'who the hell puts spare keys inside the car?' Well I actually know someone who does, so I kinda got the idea from them.**

**Also, do you think I should change the rating to M, because I found a fic that was rated M just for language, but mine has language in and a tiny bit of rape. So if you would help me out with that as well it would be appreciated.**

**And there is sixe chapters left now, so I aim to have this story finished in about 2 weeks if all goes well :)**

**And if you read my other stories, there is an authors note posted on my profile recently, so you might want to go and read it. It has nothing to do with this story, only if you read my other ones.**

**X**


	12. The problematic verdict

**Bella's POV:**

It was the day of the trial.

It was the day that will probably decide the fate of the rest of my life. Yes, I understand how dramatic that sounds, but in reality, it wasn't. I had thought constantly about how crucial these next few hours would be of my life. It all counted on what the judge would decide. Would I be sentenced to a young offenders institute and then move to a proper jail when I turned eighteen – which, conveniently enough is going to happen only in a few months time? I had pondered over my possible sentences and I have even done masses of research, anything that could get me out of this, or prepare me for what was to come.

But everything all ended the same way. Either way I will end up with a criminal record, which will make it hard for me to go to university, to get a job, maybe even get a house. I don't know how these things work.

All of the future I could possibly have had was taken away from me within a few hours of undeniable stupidity on my behalf.

_Nice going Bella. Is there anything else you can do to fuck up your life even more?_

Two weeks ago I had been released out of hospital after the doctor prescribed me a hell a lot of painkillers for my injury – none of which really worked by the way. I assumed that my mother had warned them beforehand not to give me any heavier tablets due to the fact that she still thought I was a druggie. This all ends up resulting with me being in unnecessary pain.

Not like my mum would even care about that to be honest. Ever since I had woken up in hospital she had been very distant with me and hardly spoke two words to me per day, giving me appalled looks whenever she had to come and visit me. It was even worse at home now because we were around each other constantly – one of the downsides of living in a small house. The tension in the air was incredibly thick and heavy and if it had not been for the fact that I was under 'house arrest' I would have escaped outside, even if it were just for a few single minutes.

Of course, my father being present as well wasn't exactly helping the relationship between me and my mother. In fact, it made it even worse. They both exchanged pleasantries when needed; helped each other prepare the meals; do the housework and so on... But you could tell every time they smiled at each other it was forced and every time they talked to each other, you could, again, tell that they wished the other wasn't here.

Like Renee, Charlie hadn't been very pleased that I had landed myself in hospital. When I was lying in the bed, he did his part of acting like the good father by showing up and being worried, but again, like my mother, he had that look in his eyes and his face that he wished that I didn't turn out like this and was appalled and ashamed by my disgusting behaviour. The most we had spoken to each other was when he gave the whole 'I'm very disappointed in you lecture,' like my mum did when I had woken up. I didn't need to hear it all over again, so of course, like most teenagers tend to do when their parents are lecturing them, I tuned him out.

Charlie also had this annoying habit of bringing up Edward for some reason. Saying how the morning after I had left he had come barging around, demanding to see me. And how he was such a nice and polite boy and it was a pity that I hadn't managed to get back together with him, because maybe none of this would have happened if I had.

Whenever he brought this up, I would ball my fists up and clench my teeth together, refraining myself from really telling my dad how much of a prick Edward really was. Not that he would believe me; my dad always believes the facade that people put up in front of him.

Edward, I don't think that there are any words that could describe my feelings for him at the moment. Loathe, hate, those were just a few of the many feelings that have been tumbling around my brain and body these past few months. I just wanted to punch him or slap him silly. I know he had gotten my letter, because when I had rung my dad once, he had told me that he gave it to Edward personally.

Yet, Edward still didn't contact me. He knew where I was and all it took was one trip to my dad's house to find out my number or address. It just really hurt me to know that he just didn't care. I had told him in the letter that I would never in my existence cheat on him, and I had all but told him that I had been raped. I mean I thought it was pretty obvious myself, and if I hadn't cheated, then what other option was there?

So I had assumed that he had figured it out, but he didn't call me or anything because he didn't want me. Who would though? I had been broken, violated, filthy, weak... So it shouldn't have come to that much of a surprise. But I had always held on to the tiny bit of hope that just maybe, maybe, he would help me through it and support me and love me for how I was. It just hurt so much to know how much I really meant to him, nothing but a piece of filth on the bottom of his shoe.

"Bella, are you awake?" I heard my mum call through my bedroom door, giving it a soft tap in the process.

"Yeah," I replied, tersely, not wanting to reveal much of how scared I was feeling at the moment.

"We have to be in court in three hours, so I suggest that you have a shower and dress up respectably; breakfast will be waiting for you downstairs." And before I could reply, I heard her footsteps retreating down the hallway and down the stairs.

I sighed and climbed out of bed, glancing at the clock. It was six in the morning, too early for anyone to be up, yet alone me. But I could feel the lack of sleep already dawning upon me, which is what happens when you don't sleep all night. I rubbed my eyes and yawned, stumbling out of my room and towards the bathroom. I met my father halfway down the hallway, and he gave me a small, seemingly forced, reassuring smile before disappearing downstairs. _He didn't even give me a chance to respond,_ I thought to myself, _he must be really pissed. _

When I was in the bathroom, I undressed and stepped into the shower, turning the knob so that the water was hot, a technique I used when I needed to relax. I let the steaming water rush over my shoulders, relaxing my muscles before they tensed when I remembered the upcoming trial. I shampooed and conditioned my hair, before washing myself repeatedly. Something I tended to do every day now, leaving my skin pink and raw.

I must have been in the shower for about half an hour before my mother kindly banged on the bathroom door, shouting through it. "Bella! We don't have all day you know, and let me remind you that there are other people in this house besides yourself that need to have a shower yet." She sounded pissed and annoyed, so I sighed and turned off the shower and wrapping a soft blue towel around my dripping body. I hoped I hadn't used up all of the hot water, that would leave my parents even more displeased with me than they already were.

I opened the door a crack, checking there was no one in the small distance from here to my bedroom, and gathering my pyjamas, I made a run for it. I slammed my bedroom door and leant against it, my heart beating erratically for unknown reasons. I dried myself off and changed into some simple sweats while I decided what to wear. I opened my wardrobe and scanned the many items of clothing within it, clueless as to what people in court wear. Heck, I wasn't even sure if I had any suitable clothes at all in the first place.

If my mum was talking to me, she would have turned on the radio in my room and laughing as she ridiculed my clothes, whilst picking out something for me to wear. Her face would be lit up at the thought of us having some bonding time and she would all but beg to let her do my hair and makeup. Of course, I would agree eventually, but only after she gave me a pleading look with her bright blue eyes.

I collapsed on my bed, crying at how much me and my mother had drifted apart from each other in these past few years. We rarely spent time together anymore and if we do it usually just ends up in a shouting match. I curled into a ball and cried, letting out all of my emotions that I had been holding back in these past few weeks, soaking my pillow. After a while I heard someone stop outside of my door and hesitated, wondering whether they should enter or not. After another moment, someone softly knocked on the door.

"Bella, are you okay in there?" Renee asked through the door.

"No," I called back, my voice thick with tears.

I heard the door creak as it opened and a few seconds later I felt my mother embrace me with a warm hug. "Honey, it will be okay," she promised, while pulling me into her lap. "You have nothing to be scared of."

"I'm sorry mum," I sobbed out through my tears. "I didn't mean for everything to turn out like this. If I could turn back time, I would, please believe me on that."

"Don't blame yourself sweetie, it's my entire fault, I haven't been a good mother to you in years." She sighed. "I shouldn't have let you come back here Bella, I should have predicted what would happen, but your father was telling me how well you were doing in Forks and I just hoped that maybe you had sorted out your head." She smiled down at me through her tears. "I guess not though."

I gasped. "Mum, don't ever blame yourself for my mistakes. I was stupid and wrong and you have no idea how much I regret it now. But at the time it seemed like the right thing to do, I wasn't in the right state of mind in the first place. I think I just cracked."

"Honey, every parent blames themselves for when their child has gone off of the rails. It's in our job description. Now let's find you something suitable to wear. I don't like most of the clothes you have been wearing lately." She nudged me off of her lap and onto the bed beside her and then stood up, and upon flinging the wardrobe open she frowned and sighed. "Bella, we really need to go shopping for some decent clothes. Half of these you would wear if you were on a swimsuit model shoot, they are so skimpy."

I gave a shaky laugh, wiping away the last of my tears; this was just like my mother and I fell a whole lot better knowing that my mum was going to be there for me.

Twenty minutes later – and a massive pile of clothes on the floor – we finally agreed on an outfit. It was a black pencil skirt that went to mid-thigh; I refused to have it knee length like Renee had insisted; and a white, fitting shirt, with arms that went three-quarters of the way down my arm. My hair had long since dried in its natural waves and I let my mum do my make-up while we had a long chat.

By the time everyone was ready, we only had ten minutes until we had to leave, so I rushed my pancakes, my stomach feeling queasy as I ate them. As we left the house, I pushed back all of my fears and climbed into the car, wondering what would befall of me within the next few hours.

----~~~~----

The court went past in a blur. I remember being in a small room with only a judge and a few other officials present. I can remember the judge asking me my name and telling me to give her my version of that night, and also about my illegal drugs abuse. I remember some lawyer trying to come to my defence, but it was pointless, I had admitted out loud already that everything was my fault and nothing could deter the blame from me. My mother and father were sitting behind me, making no noise at all, apart from the occasional words when was required.

And finally, the verdict came.

"Well, Ms Swan, I have here reports from your school back in Forks." I nodded as she waved the folder around in the air slightly. "According to your teachers, you were a quiet student, who got on with your work and achieved all A grades." She frowned and then opened another folder, which had Phoenix High stamped across it. "But your report in Phoenix begs to differ." She paused to look up at me. "Tell me Isabella, what drove you to all of this. You seem like a polite, nice girl. There must be a perfect reason why you turned to all of this."

I opened my mouth and then shut it, only to open it again. "With all due respect, I do have my own personal reasons that only a few select people know about. I don't feel comfortable with expressing them. Maybe it will all come out in time." I kept my gaze steady on the wall behind the judge, ignoring my mother's gasp.

The judge frowned for a moment, her gaze seeming as though it was penetrating into my head, searching through all of my thoughts and memories. I held my gaze with her for at least a minute before she sighed and looked away, and then began sifting through some paper. We all waited patiently for about ten minutes while she read numerous documents, tutting and frowning at most of them.

For the millionth time, I wondered what her decision would be. I had been granted a small court with no jury because I was underage and the case wasn't that serious according to my lawyer. But that still didn't ease the nerves that felt like they were eating my insides. I watched the judge as she worked, she seemed to love her job and I could see the glint in her eyes as she read the unknown pages that were spread out along her desk. I could feel two eyes, burning into the back of my neck which probably belonged to my mother and father, but I didn't meet them. I know they would want an explanation for my speech earlier and are probably wondering what my 'personal reasons' were. This was one of the many chances I had had over the last few years to come out and tell them I had been raped, but like always, my throat closes up and I can't find the words to tell them. That was what had happened when the judge asked me what went wrong, I had been prepared to tell her everything, but as usual, nothing came out.

"Isabella, I have reached a decision-" _Finally,_ I thought to myself. "-and I have decided that you will receive a ten thousand dollar fine to pay for the damage to our city's statue. And you will all receive one hundred hours of community service once you return from Forks. You have to understand Isabella, that you are very lucky that you are receiving this second chance. I think there is more destined for you than a young offenders institute and I hope you take this seriously..." My mind was stumbling throughout her words, but one word remained imprinted in my brain; Forks. What was she on about? I live here, in Phoenix, not in Forks. Had she gotten the addresses mixed up or something?

"Do you have any questions?" The judge asked kindly.

"Yes ma'am, I'm afraid I misheard you. What did you say about Forks?"

"I think that sending you to Forks to finish your senior year there would be for the best. It will give you a chance to rejuvenate yourself."

Dread flooded through me and my heart pounded against my ribcage. No, this had to be some kind of twisted joke. I couldn't go back to Forks. I couldn't face Edward and him again. No, no, no. Please, why can't I just tell them why I don't want to go back? Why won't my mouth open? Just three words and everything will be alright. I will rehabilitate myself, here in Phoenix, Mike will be arrested and then I will never have to see Edward again. My hands began shaking as I searched for the words that I so desperately wanted to come out of my mouth, but I couldn't think of them let alone utter them. The judge looked at me, clearly concerned.

"Miss Swan is there a problem?" she asked.

I shook my head once and ran out of the room, craving some fresh air. I heard everyone call after me, but I ran out of the building and onto the sidewalk, where I vomited over and over again.

_Forks_, I thought, _here I come._

* * *

**A/N:** Gah! I am so sorry for not updating for like a month. :O I just have been busy and I was struggling to write this chapter. I had intended to write a much long court session, but seeing as I have never been in court before, I didn't know how it works, so I used a lot of guess work and of course, watching the court scene from Stick It helped as well.

So... what do you think about that? I know that next chapter will be quite short, just a filler but the ending of it is important and I will begin writing that in a few hours. I'm going to take a break first :D Take a break, have a kitkat. But there are not kitkats, just montana bars at the moment.

So review and tell me your thoughts! :D


	13. Unprepared

**Bella's POV:**

I had been allowed to stay in Phoenix for most of the summer. I even managed to find a small job for six weeks which had allowed me to pay one thousand dollars off of the ten thousand that I owed the state. My job was just simply working behind the till in wall mart. Not very interesting, I know, but it gave me some income and for that I was thankful.

None of my so called 'friends' had tried to contact me in anyway and I haven't tried to talk to them either, they had abandoned me when I had needed them the most, thus they didn't deserve the title of being a friend. Of course, I had seen them around the city whenever I did some bonding time with my mum, but I always ducked into the nearest shop, wanting to avoid a confrontation.

Speaking of my mother, the relationship between Renee and I was much better as she had been so supportive of me lately, saying that I still had three years to come up with the money and I had a lot of time to come up with it.

But as the dreaded move to Forks which had been looming over me for a while now, finally came up, I found that my attitude had almost returned back to its original state. I could sense that my mother was beginning to lose patience with me, but to be honest, I was way part caring at this state.

I would snap at everything my mother would do wrong in my eyes; like if she tried to invade my personal bubble or if she asked too many questions for my liking. Sometimes, it just felt as though she was mothering me _too_ much and I detested it, especially due to the fact that I was going to be turning eighteen – a legal adult – in a matter of weeks. Before the incident and the trial, I would have moved out as soon as I hit those digits, but unfortunately, I was under court rule for another year – until I graduated – so I was stuck living with my father in Forks until then.

_Forks._ Every time that name would come up in a conversation, I would feel all of the blood drain out of my face and run cold, my own body sensing the distaste I had for that God forsaken place.

Nobody else noticed how much I loathed that place; they never had to be honest. My mother just babbles on about how it will benefit my present and my future, how with the good grades and stable home life and social life, everything will end up all rainbows and unicorns.

I always snorted inwardly when she began speaking like that. Yeah, right, in my dreams.

Things between both me and my father were still awkward and tense. They always had been and I guess they always will be, but the tension had rapidly increased since the court session and I know how badly my father was still hurting over it.

After I had apologised to the judge for running out of the court room, we had all gone over finer details during which I just sat there, feeling almost catatonic whilst staring at a blank spot on the white wall behind the judge. The only time I had spoken was to suggest – or rather, _insist_ – that I was driven to Forks instead of flying. Of course, there had been a debate with my mother and father about this request but when the judge interceded and suggested that I needed to gain a sense that I still had at least some control over my life and it would be a good way to bond with my father more.

At that moment I almost kissed and slapped her.

I wanted to kiss her for convincing my parents to let one of them drive me to Forks, prolonging the eventual stay there but on the other hand, I wanted to slap her for knowing about how both me and my father were not as close as the majority of father's were to their daughter's.

Eventually, they had agreed that my father would come and pick me up a week before the start of the new school year began.

However much at that time I was succeeding in convincing myself that everything would be okay in the end that I wouldn't have to talk to him, I wouldn't have to talk to Mike, heck, I could probably get away with not talking to anyone, but when I got home, it was a whole different story.

It was as soon as the door shut as though it was shutting away most of my life, did the screaming begin. Nearly identical to a baby, I cried, I screamed, I threw things at my parents, while saying things similar to, "I hate both of you! You ruined my life!" to things like, "I loathe Forks and all of the people in it!" That was where any relationship me and Charlie had established, automatically failed. He had taken all of those words to his heart and he thought that I loathed him. Of course, I had already said to both of them how much I hated them, but every child says similar things to their own parents at some point in their lifetime.

So I had basically shoved it in my dad's face how much I didn't want and will despise living with him, which I think that no divorced parent would ever want to hear.

We had spoken a few times of the phone since he left Arizona, but never more than five minutes, it was just usually to discuss sleeping arrangements on our journey back to Washington.

And now it was the lucky day.

Not.

"Bella, bring the rest of your bags downstairs, your father is ready to leave," my mother called up the stairs.

Sighing, I smoothed my hair down with my hands trying to make it look tidy as I had already packed my hairbrush. The fact that I had had a restless night before didn't help the state of my appearance either. Feeling slightly happier about my hair, I exited the bathroom and padded down the newly carpeted hallway to my bedroom. Well, my old bedroom I should say.

I noted as I passed the stairs that my father was standing in the hallway downstairs with his arms crossed whilst checking his watch, clearly implying that he would like to get a move on sometime.

"Sorry Dad, I'll only be a second," I shouted to him, more loudly than was necessary.

Even though I could not hear his full reply, I heard a grumble which must count for something, right?

Of course, me being me, it took another full twenty minutes before I was prepared to leave... And that was only physically.

I turned around in my bedroom, pushing back the tears that were beginning to overwhelm me. To be honest with myself, I was being pretty pathetic. Sure I was leaving my home, my 'friends', my family and many other things (including the weather) but what really was there for me here? My life and reputation around here had been ruined and I was positive that most of the city was against me for breaking a statue. But then again, what was there in Forks for me? Sure, I would be able to rebuild my life and pay back the money I owe the Arizona State, but every single teenager there hated me (possibly excluding Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper) and I would have to face up to Mike and Edward again.

Edward.

The bottom of my stomach began to feel endless as it did whenever I thought about him, or if I heard someone in the street shout his name, I would begin to feel slightly nauseas.

But life goes on, and so should I. If I wanted to make a good name for myself in this world I was going to have to push these last few years behind me and erase them from my memory.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I picked up one last bag and made my way towards the voices coming from the living room downstairs. My mum and dad looked up when I walked in and it appeared to me that my mum's eyes were red as though she had recently been crying.

"Erm, I'm ready," I murmured, casting my eyes towards the floor, hating the awkwardness and sadness of saying goodbye to the ones you love.

"Oh, Bella," my mum sighed and ran over to me, pulling me into a tight hug. I only had time to drop the bag onto the floor my mother swept me to her.

"I'm going to miss you mum," I mumbled into her neck which smelt of lavender and conditioner.

"I'm going to miss you as well my baby girl," she replied, letting her tears fall onto my head whilst mine soaker the top of her shirt. "You can come and stay here for the Christmas holidays, or I can come down to you... whichever you feel most comfortable with..." My mother rambled on, trying to comfort me as I had just let out all of my feelings with sobs.

We stayed like that for at least a few minutes whilst my father lingered behind us, unsure what to do. It wasn't until he mentioned that we really should be hitting the road did we unwrap ourselves from the embrace.

I wiped my tears away as my mother mirrored my movements and did the same with her tears. She gave me a watery smile and placed her hand on my shoulder. "You have no idea how much I am going to miss you Bella in the next few months, I promise that I will call you every day."

"I know you will," I said with a small shaky laugh. "I'm going to miss you as well."

We hugged one last time and then I was gone.

---~~~---

Three long days later, we finally arrived at our final destination; Forks.

Oh the joy.

Things between me and my father had gradually improved over the previous three days, slowly of course, but there was noticeable progress. The first few hours of our journey was awful, you could cut the tension in the car with a knife and despite my best attempts to clear the atmosphere, Charlie was making no effort on his behalf.

But when we entered a diner later on that day and I fell on a wet patch of the floor, my father began laughing, very loudly if I may add and he seemed to lighten up a bit after that. It was a though the fact that I had humiliated myself in a bunch of strangers was some kind of repayment to him for everything I had done.

After that, things were better between us both, not amazing of course, they hadn't been most of my life, but I was willing and prepared to turn my life around again. And I meant it this time. From now on I would not do rash things by thinking on the spot, I would not put myself in vulnerable positions and I would not take drugs or go to parties with alcohol. Not that I would be invited to any parties in Forks anyway, but still, the thought is what counts right?

Well the next few days were boring to be honest. All we did was drive, eat, drive, eat, sleep, eat, and drive and so on. Sometimes when I thought that my father was looking too tired, I would make us pull over and switch positions so that I was driving for the next few hours whilst my father rested for a bit.

After three days, lumpy beds and cardboard like food, we finally reached Forks and I wished nothing more that the journey would have lasted longer than it already did.

The Welcome to Forks sign flashed by outside the car window and I felt a weird kind of lurch in my stomach and my breathing laboured slightly. But it was nothing that I couldn't get through. I had experienced worse; I just had to keep reminding myself that.

We entered the house in silence, I helped my dad unload all of my belongings from the car and then dumped them onto my bedroom floor as it was seven at night and I was too tired to unpack anything. I helped my dad make dinner and then had quick shower and then hopped into bed insanely early.

The next day I was up early cleaning the house and unpacking; I made my dad pancakes and syrup for breakfast and then headed out to Port Angeles to find a part time job to help pay back Arizona State. After trudging around for a few hours and speaking to many people, I found a job in the large department store. It paid reasonably well so now I would have some sort of income now to pay off my debt.

During the time in Port Angeles, I was constantly looking over my shoulder in case I saw anyone I know from school, or even worse, _Edward_. At one point, I swear I saw a small petite figure with short black hair, but I blinked and she was gone... I put it down to exhaustion so I shook my head and headed home as it looked as though it was about to storm.

And I was right, just as soon as I hit the Forks border it began to pour down with rain and not soon after, the thunder and lightning started. I ran inside and told my father the good news, he seemed to be happy for me and ordered a pizza has a treat.

I just didn't think he could be bothered to cook tonight.

The pizza delivery man came roughly forty minutes later and I made my father answer the door just in case it was anyone I knew from school like the last time we ordered pizza.

"Poor chap," Charlie commented as we began on the pizza, "he was soaked to the bone when I answered the door. I bet they aren't paying him very much, especially when he is working in conditions like this. I gave him an extra tip in the end." Charlie finished his sentence proudly and took a huge bit of his cheese pizza slice. I was barely listening; instead I was counting down the days until I would have to go back to school to start my senior year. In total I counted four.

Four days.

Was that it?!

"Bella, did you hear what I said?" Charlie asked, his voice blundering its way into my thoughts.

"Huh, sorry, what? I lost myself for a second," I replied, trying to sound more interested whereas my thoughts were elsewhere.

"I _said_ do you want to me to tell anyone you're here? You haven't picked up the phone once since you came here. Don't you want to tell your friends your back?"

"Uh, no, I kind of want it to be a surprise on the first day back if you get what I mean?" I said, thinking up some excuse on the spot. Actually, I was pretty pleased with it, it sounded like a reasonable explanation for my dead social life.

Charlie just nodded and smiled, as thought he understood _exactly_ what I meant. I smiled back and then finished my pizza slices.

The storm was still raging outside when I went up to bed and I spent a good half hour staring outside as the lightening tore the sky in half which bright flashes and as the thunder rumbled through the sky and as the rain pattered onto my window. All in all, it seemed quite peaceful and I managed to forget everything for a measly thirty minutes, but that's before I was disturbed by my father, asking me if I was going to take a shower before I climbed into bed.

Later on, as I lay in bed thinking about everything, I began to wonder if storms were ways of God punishing people. Maybe I was being punished by all of this for doing something wrong in a previous life...

It made sense at the time and I soon forgot about it when I woke up the next morning.

---~~~~---

When something you dread is coming up, the days go by faster. The next few days were a blur for me; it revolved around making meals, working and mentally preparing myself for the oncoming slaughter on Monday.

And then suddenly, it was Sunday night and I had never been more scared in my life. Okay, slight over exaggeration, I had, but at this precise moment in time, all I could think about was tomorrow.

Would I see him straight away, would I have any classes with him? Would I sit by him even?!

All of these thoughts kept tumbling around my head like a washing machine and it was beginning to give me a headache, so I took a hot shower, hoping it would relax me in some way. I let the hot water rush over me and I breathed in the scent of my shower gel, shampoo and conditioner, hoping it would calm my senses and remind me who I was, but all I could think of was Edward. I even had his head pictured in my mind, which I thought was pretty perverted, especially since I was in the shower. But I wasn't thinking any of _those _thoughts about him, far from it in fact.

Earlier on that evening, my dad told me that for the first two periods I would be spending with the school councillor, going over most of my life and why I had ended out like I have. It didn't really make a difference to me whether I spoke to her or not, I wasn't going to reveal anything about everything. My life was my business, which was why I didn't agree with councillors half of the time.

However, I agreed with my father that it was for the best and went along with it. Besides, I would be able to avoid Edward for the first two periods.

I went to bed that night after taking two sleeping pills as I knew that I would have no chance of getting any sleep without them, and I wanted to look good and show everyone (Edward) that I didn't need them.

So for once in months, I had a dreamless sleep.

---~~~---

Charlie drove me to school this morning, he wanted to make sure that I actually entered the office and signed myself in. He obviously still didn't trust me then.

On the way to school, I looked out of the windows and watched the houses flash by. Nothing had changed during the short period from which I was in Phoenix, it was as though I was the only one who had moved on and everything else had just stopped, waiting for me to get back until it could move forward.

Okay, so I'll admit, my thinking had become deeper these days as I had had plenty of extra time to think about my situation and many of my thoughts didn't even make sense.

What the hell, it wasn't as though anyone else could hear them.

Eventually, we reached school to find that the parking lot was empty. At a quick glance at the clock, I saw that we were earlier than we should have been.

As though he was listening to my thoughts, Charlie said, "The councillor wants to speak to you before everyone else gets in as she thinks you will be more relaxed then."

"Whatever," I replied with a shrug and followed Charlie out of the car and into the front office. I received my timetable from Mrs Cope and noted with mild interest that my timetable was exactly the same as t had been in my Junior Year. I just hoped that they wouldn't have the same people in it as well.

The secretary told me to sit down on one of the chairs until Sophia came, who was the councillor apparently. I waited for about fifteen minutes, jumping my leg up and down impatiently and tapping my fingers on my knee cap until a young woman in her twenties emerged from one of the doors behind the front desk.

"Would you like to follow me Bella," she said with a smile. Ah, so someone had alerted her to how I liked to be called. She had done her research well.

I smiled as fake as I possibly could and followed her through the same door she had just exited seconds before.

For the next few hours, she attempted to get into my mind and see what was wrong we me. She was actually pretty good at this, she knew I was hiding secrets and she nearly got me to spill them, but I had my guard on, I was not going down without a fight.

Eventually, she gave up and gave me some leaflets on how to deal with problems and stress which I stuffed in the bottom of my bag. I was also given weekly appointments with her before school.

During the past few hours, I had not had enough time to think about what was going to come and we had taken an extra two hours than we should have, and as I excited, the bell rang which meant lunchtime.

All of a sudden, my appetite left me and I thought I was going to vomit. What if someone had seen me or if the teachers had been gossiping and the whole student body knew I was back, what if Edward knew and what would he think?!

I needed to get to a girls bathroom, and fast. Pulling my coat hood up, I exited the first building and made my way into the light drizzle outside. I all but ran into the main building and down the hallway past unsuspecting people and into the girl's bathroom at the end, the one that was usually empty.

However, it was not until I ran through the door did I realise that two girls were in it, and not just any two girls – it was Alice and Rosalie.

The door behind me closed with a small slam and I could see their expressions as they took in my reflection.

Alice uttered a little scream and dropped her eyeliner into the sink and turned around and pulled me into a tight hug. "Oh Bella, where have you been?! What happened, you never answered my calls, emails or anything! I have been so worried!"

Rosalie joined us a second later and wrapped both of us in her long arms. Before we knew it, we all started crying and hugging and saying incoherent words.

"I'm so sorry guys," I choked out between my sobs. "I just couldn't take everything again and Edward..." I didn't manage to finish my sentence before I started crying again and they both wrapped their arms tighter around me.

"No offence Alice, but Edward is a dick," Rosalie said, comforting me.

"Oh I know he is. These last few months he has been moping around in his self misery and he just can't even be bothered to put the facts together. I read the note you left him Bella, and he must be blind to not see what is going on with you," Alice replied, rubbing soothing circles on my back.

A few seconds later, a freshman walked in on us and he eyes widened with terror as she spotted three seniors crying in the bathroom, before turning around and running back out.

We all laughed at her once she had gone, all freshmen were like that at the beginning of the year before they got all cocky.

"Come on Bella, your make-up is ruined, we can't let you see Edward like this," Alice said with a wink and motioned towards her make-up bag on the sink.

"In fact," Rosalie said, spotting her image in the mirror, "I think we could all do with some more make-up." She was obviously referring to the fact that we all had panda eyes from crying. For the next half an hour, we re-applied our make-up and shared the pack lunch I had thought to bring. I updated them with the goings of my life and surprisingly enough they didn't think bad of me when I told them what I had done, instead they just laughed and shrugged it off, for which I was thankful. I was going to need them for the next few months.

They updated me with their love lives and everything that had happened since I had left for the second time - both of them being careful not to mention him.

Despite how much I would have loved to stay in the toilets for the last two periods, I had to go to Biology. They both gave me reassuring hugs and words of comfort before I left the bathroom and walked towards Biology.

By looking at the empty hallways, I concluded that I was already late and so I picked up my pace. I entered the science lab and headed straight towards Mr Banner, ignoring the whispers that erupted at my reappearance. From learning my lesson last time, I blocked them all out and just concentrated on talking to my teacher.

"Bella, how nice to see you again, I hope you are well?" he asked, smiling as he took my pink slip.

"Yes, I am fine Mr Banner, how are you?" I asked politely.

"Oh, life goes on," he said with a smile as he handed back my signed slip. "Stay out of trouble kiddo," he ended with a hand on my shoulder before returning to the lesson plan on his desk.

I turned to face the class who were all staring at me with shock and confusion, but my eyes went straight to one person especially. He was standing up behind his desk with a bunch of emotions displayed on his face and his mouth was wide open.

"Bella," he said.

Nothing could have prepared me for this moment, and I found that it was all too much, and being the coward I was, I spun on my heels and sprinted out of the lab, ignoring Mr Banner's and Edward's call of my name.

**

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****Yes, I am aware that I suck, big time. I will be posting up my excuses and reasons on my profile either later or tomorrow.**

**But for now, please review, I am going to need all the encouragement I can get if I want to continue with this story, and I promise that if I get enough of that, I will update sometime in the next few days **

**Happy February! **

**:) **


	14. Right here, right now

**Bella's POV**

I ran down the hall past stragglers who were late for class, completely ignoring the calls of two people behind me.

I wasn't expecting my arrival to go like this. I had expected everyone, including Edward to ignore me, shun me and hate me for evermore... or until I graduated, but still. Edward wasn't supposed to talk to me! Why can't he just have ignored me like I had hoped him too! It wasn't as though he hadn't had a chance to contact me in the past few months. He could have just asked Charlie where I was and got my phone number off of him. So why was he doing this now?!

My eyes were beginning to blur up with tears until the point where I could see no more. So I closed my eyes and let the tears stream down my face while I sobbed my heart out.

They were going to catch up with me; I wasn't fast enough to outrun two men, no matter how hard I tried. Up ahead I could see the door leading to the car park and I just hoped that I would be able to reach it in time so I could drive home and fall to pieces alone in my room. Well that was until I remembered that...

I didn't have a car.

I cursed silently to myself as I ran out into the heavy rain, realising that I would have to run home, and fast.

_No, no, no, _I thought frantically to myself, _why is this happening to me?!_

"Isabella Swan, if you do not return to this classroom right this instant, I will inform the principle and that could mean a week's worth of detention or worse," Mr Banner shouted behind me from the warm confinement of the school building.

Until he said that, I didn't even consider what the hell I was doing. And when I thought about it, I was just being stupid. I was constantly running away from my problems, not confronting them head on like I should.

I hesitated for a second, only for my upper arm to be grabbed and pulled so that I turned around.

"Hey, what the –" I began but halted my words as I saw who had a hold on me.

Edward.

"Get off of me," I snapped, twisting my arm in his grip in a pathetic attempt for him to get off of me. It didn't work, he just held on tighter.

"Bella, what the hell?!" Edward said, tightening his grip further so that it was almost painful and pulling me towards him slightly.

"What do you mean what the hell? And get off of me!" I replied, still trying to get out of his clutch.

"Why are you back here? Did you not get the hint last time I saw you? I. Don't. Want. To. See. You. Again," he said, spelling every word out slowly as though I was stupid and could not comprehend what he was saying.

"Let go of me!" I tried again.

"Is that all you can say to me? _Let go of me_," he mocked and then let go of my arm and pushed me away from him so that I stumbled and fell on my bottom.

"Oh shit," he said when he realised what he had done when he saw me crying even more. "Bella, I didn't mean too... Here, let me help you." And he stuck his hand out in front of me to help me up. But instead, I slapped it away and got up on my own.

"I don't need your help," I snarled. "I'm fine on my own. I always have been and always will be thank you very much."

"Look there you go again!" Edward said, waving his arms around. "You never make sense. I mean what the hell was up with that letter you left me? _None of it made sense_."

"You didn't understand?" I replied, my voice suddenly sounding small and minute.

"No, you weren't very clear."

"Oh," was all I said and then I turned away and began running towards the gates again. However, I didn't get very far.

Edward grabbed my arm again and spun me around to face him. "Tell me what your problem is, you're so vague it's very frustrating you know."

"That's a first," I snorted. "Edward Cullen doesn't know what my problem is! Yeah, because he already knows everything about me, as he is all knowing!"

"Bella, what the fuck?! You're not making any sense at all! Just talk to me god dammit! If you never cheated then _what happened_?"

"I was raped Edward!" I shouted at the top of my voice, thankful that there was no one else around to hear it. "He raped me and you—you—"I fell to the floor crying even harder than I had been previously, astounded at myself for uttering the dreaded words that I had been hiding for years.

He now knew, I had said them... Now everyone would know how dirty, tainted and broken I was and no-one would _ever_ want me now

I had just ruined my entire life.

When my sobs had all but gone, I looked up and saw Edward standing there his mouth wide open and a look of pure shock etched all over his face. I could feel the water on the ground beginning to soak up into my jeans making them wet and itchy so I stood up and brushed pieces of wet gravel off my jeans and stared at him for a moment before speaking. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

After a moment he moved his gaze towards me and replied with a, "Well what is there to say?"

Holding back a sob, I picked up my books and fled out of the school gates towards my house.

Again, I should have been expecting this. He was Edward Cullen after all, I mean, had he really shown any care for me before when we were going out? Well the answer to that was no so why should this make him feel any different towards me.

Yes, at the party months ago he did say that he had begun to fall for me again, but what Mike tried doing to me again ruined any chance of us being back together again and now Edward won't want to be within a fifty metre radius of me now.

No-one will.

The rain was pouring down so much now that I could barely see past my nose. I just hoped that I could make it home before I get ill. Actually scratch that, if I get ill I might be able to miss a few days of school... That's a few days of not seeing Edward.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I wasn't even registering where I was going, so I ran into something... or rather, _someone_.

"I'm sorry—"I said, beginning to apologise but I cut myself short when I saw who the person was.

"Edward?" I whispered in disbelief.

"Bella, I'm so, so sorry," he said, pulling me into his arms.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to pull away from him. But he was stubborn and kept his hold around my waist and back.

"Something I should have done a while ago," he replied and tilted my chin up towards his face and leaned down slowly.

Before I could say anything, his warm lips were on mine, something that they had not done in years, and something that I had not realised I had missed... until now.

His lips were warm and soft against mine and one of his hands gently caressed my face until it moved to the back of my head and brought that even closer to him if that was possible. His other hand was pressed against my lower back rubbing soothing circles on it as I was still crying while he was kissing me. Our lips moved in synchronisation our bodies pressed together, sharing body heat as the cold rain trickled down our faces. I could have lost myself in this moment... until I realised what I was doing.

With all my willpower, I pulled away from him and untangled myself from his arms. "Edward, no, we can't," I said, stepping away.

Edward frowned and attempted to pull me back into his arms, "And why not?"

"Because this isn't supposed to happen!" He just stood there, staring at me, confused. He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off before he could say anything. "You're supposed to hate me, be repulsed by me, and shun me, maybe even bully me! But you're not supposed to _kiss_ me!"

Something flashed within his eyes and he took a step closer to me. "And why would I want to do any of that Bella? I don't have a reason to hate you anymore for God's sake. Why can't you get that into your head?"

"He raped me Edward! Do you know what that is? That means he—"

"I know what he did and I believe you, but I don't understand why you think that I should hate you for that. It wasn't your fault. Mike is a sick bastard who is going to get what's coming to him very soon!"

"I'm dirty Edward, I'm tainted! I have been for the past two and a half years and it's never going to change. And why would someone want me whilst I am like this?"

In a split second, Edward's facial expression changed from confusion to sadness and something flashed and burned deep within his eyes.

"Bella—"

"You know what; I don't even want to hear it." And so I spun on my heels and ran out onto the road, not even bothering to look left and right for any cars.

Well what a mistake that was.

I had only just stepped onto the wet concrete when I heard Edward scream my name in horror. I turned to my right to see a blue car only meters away, about to hit me. My muscles and chest tightened and I couldn't breathe or even move even though my life depended on it.

The last thing I heard was a high pitched, almost strangled scream....

And then there was nothing more.

* * *

AN: Yes, sorry is it an incredibly short chapter, but I had to cut it there or the next chapter would be too long...

I'm not particulary pleased with this chapter, but hey, it's an update I guess :)

I'll probably end up changing it in the next few days :)

Follow me on twitter so we can talk etc... My user name is Dustyrose03 and yes, I will be the one with scooby doo as their display picture. And that is because I am cool XD

x


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